Keep Critical Personal Information From Potential Affair Partners

Don’t leave a trail of crumbs back to your life in case things don’t go well

(Image by Peter Wiberg from Pixabay)

‘I have had two experiences where I am SO glad that the guy doesn’t know anything beyond my first name. It was just dumb luck and a funny guy feeling that I didn’t tell these guys anything. But I sure wish I’d listened to it sooner and not met in the first place. One I’m sure was a blackmailer and the other just a psychopathic narcissist.’

– Lucky Clover

What is your critical information? It’s the stuff leading someone back to your home, family, or place of work. The links to the real world and the connections with your regular life. It’s your exact measurements on your dating app allowing hubby to spot your profile. It’s the unobscured image of you face on your Ashley Madison profile people could recognize.

Here’s some of the critical personal information you should be cautious about revealing until you know your affair partner a bit better:

Your real first name. If your name is Bob or Jane it might be fine, but if your name is a little unusual, like Trixie, it will be easier to track you down. Use a middle name or nickname.

Your full name. Depending on how much exposure you have online, this is what a person would need to first find you on Facebook, and then find your spouse.

Your profession. How many lawyers named Jane do you think live in your city? How many teachers? How many doctors? You can have a popular first name, but when it’s combined with your profession the number of potential people you could be thins out.

Your professional credentials. You might have a profession, but keep it to yourself in the early stages. If you’ve given your name, and you’re a CGA, how many CGA’s are there with your same first name? There is no need to tell people what your qualifications are.

Your place of work or industry. Tracking you down won’t be hard through the company’s online telephone directory. How many paving companies would one city have? How many Stacys could a company of 40 people have? How many Davids?

Your home phone number. Does this even need to be explained? Imagine someone leaving this message after the tone — ‘Hi, it’s me, I told her I’m leaving…’

Your address. Never. Ever.

Your spouse’s name. Like yours, this information makes it easier to find them.

Your spouse’s profession. As above.

Your children’s names. Keep them out of it.

Nude photos showing your face. This is an interesting one. You may not think you’ll share nudes and short sexy videos, but you will. Sure, your spouse will recognize your cock or the birth mark on your bum if they see a photo of it, but who else will be able to match your bum to you? No one. Your face though? Everyone will know it’s you. Leaving your face out of your sexy online pictures will protect you from being easily exposed or extorted.

Images linking you directly to your dating app. Don’t use pictures from your Facebook page, even if you obscure your face, because they are linked to you. Don’t include your face at all. Instead, send face pictures separately.

When you do, send ones you have posted to Facebook. Why? Plausible deniability. If you’ve used them on Facebook, then you can show your spouse where the guy got them from and just call it an online scam. Do you see the difference?

In the first case, only you could have put them up. In the second, anyone has access to them.

Once you establish a relationship with your affair partner, you can build up the trust it takes to share more. In the early days, you won’t have that trust. You don’t need someone’s full name to jump in bed with them, if everything else checks out. So keep your mouth shut. If it turns out you and an affair partner don’t connect, you can have a clean break when you move on, because you didn’t reveal anything. And they won’t come back to haunt you.

Completely conceal your true identity until you’ve physically met and mutual trust has been established.


For everything you hold back, make note of what critical personal information they provide you. You are going to gather this information to protect yourself should you need to. So while you are concealing your info, don’t be afraid to collect theirs. It sounds creepy because it is, but would you rather be a little creepy or let some loser blackmail you?

Protect yourself. The first rule of adultery.

Learn more in here — How to Cheat — Field Notes from an Adulteress.

By Teresa J Conway on .

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Exported from Medium on March 4, 2021.

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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