High Profile Cheating Fails Are Why Men Need an Infidelity Consultant

A beautiful couple leaving a hotel, holding hands.
Photo by Frederick Medina on Unsplash

Men are overconfident most of the time. Successful men tend to suffer from overconfidence at rates higher than other men. The result is they have an overwhelming sense of their own ability to do everything. And that’s when they fall on their faces. This plagues most men.

If Adam Levine had consulted me before he began sexting Sumner Stroh, he wouldn’t have. Why?

  • She’s single
  • She’s young
  • She’s an attention seeker
  • She has nothing to lose

She had ‘disaster waiting to happen’ written all over her, but critically she had nothing to lose and everything to gain from an affair with Adam. She didn’t have a marriage or reputation to protect. If anything, her star power rose because the two had an affair.

Read Adam’s statement, no doubt written by a publicist —

“In certain instances it became inappropriate; I have addressed that and taken proactive steps to remedy this with my family. My wife and my family is all I care about in this world. To be this naïve and stupid enough to risk the only thing that truly matters to me was the greatest mistake I could ever make.”

Now, Sumner is saying they had a year-long affair, and Adam says they didn’t. So, where’s the truth?

The truth is, it doesn’t matter because he’s finished, for now. I’m sure he’ll come back just fine. He’ll publish a book in due course about how he worked to recover from his sexting addiction. No doubt, with the help of his loving Victoria’s Secret model wife and some yet-to-be-named omnipotent imaginary friend they all make during the healing process.

Don’t we all love a man who finds his way back? We do.

Micro-cheating is cheating

I’m not a big believer in the thing kids call micro-cheating, but I know there’s no one more self-righteous than the young. To me, flirty texts aren’t the end of the world, but in puritan America and the media environment that sustains it, everyone is expected to be as pure as the driven snow.

If you aren’t? You’ll make the news.

What’s micro-cheating?

  • Talking sex, sexting, or sending nudes
  • cyberstalking crushes or exes
  • “Liking” someone’s post
  • Keeping a dating profile
  • Swapping numbers with someone attracted to you
  • Dressing extra-fine for your work crush
  • Lying about your relationship status
  • Flirting/flirty texting
  • Chatting with someone who flirts with you or an old flame
  • Ditching rings before hitting the town

In today’s world, a micro-cheat is as bad in most circles as an old-school slap-and-tickle cheat. And as we see from Adam and Sumner, micro-cheats are newsworthy.

Who cheats on a Victoria’s Secret model?

The issue becomes exponentially more difficult to manage when your wife is gorgeous. Get caught cheating on her, and TMZ will light up big and little screens with her, you, and her.

People looking in will only see her beauty. They’ll tell each other they’d never do anything to jeopardize a relationship with a smoke show like her. Which is easy because they’ll never have a smoke show like her.

You know your reality is different. Sure, she’s hot, but she’s also your wife. What people don’t see in your star-studded relationship is that it’s just like everyone else’s — petty bickering over annoying habits, exhaustion from kids and busy schedules, and the loss of excitement and intimacy during pregnancy and toddler years.

How to avoid this pain

Get help the first time you find yourself doing something micro-cheaty. I’m not talking about therapy or throwing yourself on your knees and begging for forgiveness. I’m talking about getting support from someone who understands cheating and can help you find the right friend.

These steps will walk you through the process you need to follow.

Step 1 — Acknowledge the itch & plan for it

As soon as you realize your eye is wandering, innocently or not, do not overestimate your ability to manage it alone. Tiger Woods, billionaire golfer, couldn’t. Jeff Bezos, billionaire bro, couldn’t. Adam Lavine, pop star, couldn’t.

You can’t.

You need help navigating the next four steps, and if you don’t think you do, good luck to you, sir.

Step 2 — Take stock of what you have to lose

Your relationship is at risk, but that’s common to everyone who cheats. Tiger paid his ex $100,000,000 and $20K a month in support. His reputation also took a huge hit. Jeff Bezos settled his divorce for $38,000,000,000. His reputation wasn’t hurt too badly because most people don’t think much of him, but I’m sure his bank account wept.

What are your reputation and bank balance worth to you?

Step 3 — Take stock of what she has to lose

The first cheating advice I ever read was from a serial cheater being featured in a national magazine. This point resonated — never cheat with someone who has less to lose than you do.

That’s not always possible if you’re a billionaire, but before you make your first move, look at the intangible assets she has at risk —

  • Is she in a marriage she wants to keep?
  • Does she have children?
  • Will her social status change for the worse?
  • Will her reputation be damaged beyond repair?

Step 4 — Take stock of what she has to gain

Even if she has things to lose, evaluate what she has to gain. If you are someone with a public stature, you’ll be used to people trying to get close to you for personal gain. Everyone wants something — wealth, fame, connections, and they have no problem taking it from you.

Everyone is chasing their own fame. No matter how pathetic or short it is, the draw is always there. So ask yourself, is she —

  • A waitress somewhere like Tiger’s girls?
  • Someone who works for you?
  • A single social media starlet?
  • Disproportionately less wealthy than you?
  • Emotionally unstable?

Could she benefit from an affair with you by —

  • Blackmailing you?
  • Exposing you?
  • Building her own reputation?
  • #Metoo’ing you?

If there is any benefit to her outing you, she’s not the one.

Step 5 — Evaluate the risk

If she has more to gain than lose, she’s not the girl for you. Of course, your penis might not agree. You’ll have a hard time arguing the pros and cons with your small brain, but you must win that argument if you want the best of both worlds.

Which worlds? Your regular life and your secret life.

The bottom line is the only women you can safely cheat with need something significant to lose. Nothing else will stop her from destroying both your lives if there’s any chance she can gain from cheating with you.

Who can help you?

Me and my Cheater-in-Arms Dark Horse! We can help you find a lady who won’t burn your life down. How can we do that? We can look at the women you like and let you know what their risk is. We can coach you through your search. We can help you pick someone who might get a thrill out of being with you but won’t destroy her life for 15 minutes of fame.

© Teresa J. Conway, 2022

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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