Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) might help
What do you do when your affair partner tries to blow up your life? You blow up their life.
Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) is a doctrine that ensures both parties are destroyed no matter who dropped the bomb first.
MAD = everyone dies, or no one dies.
MAD is about preventing the worst. If you and your affair partner each have something to lose (like everything), you’ll both want to protect yourselves.
“Oh, that’s terrible!” you say.
How can two people have a relationship based on not destroying each other? This is an affair, not a healthy relationship. Your marriage is on the line, remember!
For MAD to work, your affair partner should have as much or more to lose as you do. If your affair partner has less to lose than you, the risk of them destroying your life increases because they don’t have skin in the game.
Lesson #1-the singles:
This is why you should avoid single people. They might try to ruin your life just to have you for themselves. The other type of person who might want to destroy your life is a dramatic single. Not everyone who cheats is out for a good time. Avoid the needy, demanding, and jealous single person.
Lesson #2-hold back:
Withholding personal information will protect you. It will also help you figure out if your potential affair partner is a reasonable person. Reasonable people will understand why you hold back information because they are doing the same. How much do you need to know about someone to have a hot afternoon in a hotel? Not much. You don’t need to know their life story to sext, and exchange sexy pictures either.
Lesson #3-avoid diggers:
Unreasonable people will pry. Prying is a red flag. Any information you give away can lead a stranger back to you and leaves you open to trouble. In the early stages of a relationship, you don’t need anything coming back to haunt you, especially if you decide to move on.
The best defense is to conceal who you are. You don’t need a backstory. Managing one can be tough unless you are an expert liar with a photographic memory. If your new affair partner is a reasonable person and starts to get the feeling you’re lying, they’ll back off, thinking you’re up to something. Remember they are looking for a reasonable person, too.
Potential affair partners might not tell you anything about themselves or care what you say. They might prefer a don’t ask, don’t tell (DADT) relationship, meaning all they want is sex. Some will ghost you because you share too much. Others will hang off every word because they want to get laid. Figure out what type of affair you are having and how much to reveal.
Lesson #6-avoid crazies:
When we meet someone we are romantically or sexually interested in, don’t idealize them! Hold back. If you start out saying too much, you might jeopardize your safety. Unstable people are different. They might fall violently in love with you and become obsessive. Don’t discount the possibility they have a mental disorder.
Lesson #7-avoid criminals:
Criminals will use the information to get something out of you, like money. Blowing your life up is a threat, but killing the goose that lays the golden egg isn’t good for business, is it? Be sleuthy. See below.
Lesson #8-track everything:
This is why you collect information on them, too. Everything they reveal. Don’t be obvious about it, but it’s like having an insurance policy.
What do you do if they come after you?
The first step is to threaten to blow up their life. MAD might wake them up. They might be unstable, but the risk of losing what they do have might scare them off.
If they drop the bomb anyway, try to manage it. Come partially clean.
Say you were curious about the dating app because you were feeling neglected. Say you were little flattered by their attention, but then they went off the deep end. If you had sex, say they extorted it by threatening to expose you. Play the victim and build sympathy. If it gets this far, you are in deep trouble — if you want to keep your marriage intact.
Involve the police to keep the unstable person from direct contact with you and your spouse. It may stop them from making more threats. Or, they might look even more crazy (good for your cover story).
Mutually Assured Destruction is the last resort. Blow up their lives. Pull the trigger. Drop the bomb.
EVERYTHING is fair in love and war.
By Teresa J Conway on .
Exported from Medium on March 4, 2021.