3 Things Smart Men Do To Stand Out on Ashley Madison

Standing apart from the crowd is the only way to be seen on a dating site

A woman looks at her phone reviewing ashley madison profiles
Photo by Illumination Marketing on Unsplash

I mention these three Ashley Madison profile tips to my clients early on. Clients? Yes, clients who pay me to review their profiles and draft their opening messages. Why do they pay me? After reviewing 1000s of Ashley Madison (AM) profiles, I know what works and what doesn’t. This is equally true of messages. I have read hundreds of messages from men and instinctively know what sinks and what swims.


The men who pay me understand what I offer them.


They could figure it out themselves, but they realize they’d waste more doing that, than what I charge. They also know they get ready access to my vast experience, knowledge, and network of like-minded deviants. What’s that mean? They don’t have to sift through mountains of information to get the answers they’re looking for.


All they need to do is ask their Faery Godmother of Adultery🧚🏻‍♀️!


The three Ashley Madison profile tips remind men how to behave towards the women on AM. And if you follow them consistently, you will stand out from the crowd. Most men don’t realize how they take themselves out of the race by


#1 — Smart men stepping out don’t ‘wink’ or ‘favorite’ women


Every loser does this hoping he will attract her attention. He won’t.


Ashley Madison profile tip - don't wink!
When you press the Winky face, you get a message telling you your wink has been sent (screencap: author).


When you wink, she’ll get a message that says — “please check out my profile to see if you might be interested in connecting with me. If you are interested, ‘wink’ me back and I will initiate contact!”


But she won’t.


(screencap: author)


She will have dozens to hundreds of these waiting for her at any one time, and she won’t look at them after the first couple of minutes on the site. I have 101 winks and favorites in my inbox going back to February 14, 2022. I’ve been on here since December 2020, so imagine how many there’s be if they weren’t deleted after a few months — and my profile says DO NOT MESSAGE ME.


The same goes when you “favorite” someone —


In Ashley Madison you can favorite a woman, but profile tip says don't!
(screencap: author)

(screencap: author)


What she will see if she ever gets that far down in her inbox is a message from you saying “favorited you” and the same “wink me back message” below —


(screencap: author)


What’s this mean? Not much. As I said, there are a hundred of these messages sitting at the bottom of my inbox. Not only are they a waste of time — they’re cheesy.


Not being cheesy is essential.

#2 — Smart men on adultery sites don’t send or ask for pics


Let her ask for yours and send them, but never ask for hers. Many women are leery of putting their pics out there to be judged yet again by yet another man. Make the connection first, have a fun chat, and let her decide when she’ll open up and share her pictures.


(screencap: author)


She gets pic requests Every. Damn. Day. — I have 85 men waiting — and most haven’t sent me a message. If I sent them all my pictures my inbox would explode.


Ashley Madison profile tip - don't ever ask for her pictures!
(screencap: author)


When you ask for pics without messaging she knows you want to see her tits, ass, and tummy, first, before spending credits on her. But guess what? She’s more than her tits, ass, and tummy, so even if she’s sexy as fuck, you aren’t going to see them.


Money talks and bullshit walks as they say, and it hurts being ghosted by some asshole after sending him your pictures.


The men who complain about how much the site sucks are usually the men who do #1 and #2 without sending a message.


The guy who doesn’t ask for pics or send them without an invite stands out.

#3 — Smart men on cheating sites don’t message-bomb her


Send her max two messages if there’s no reply. Send your first one as a priority message so it appears at the top of her inbox. If you don’t hear back from her send a follow-up message 24 hours later. THEN STOP MESSAGING.


If she opens your message or, checks out your profile, but doesn’t message back, you can send her message thanking her for opening your message or checking you out.


The idea is to keep it balanced. If she’s not coming back, or not coming back often, it’s you, not her. Move on. In the example below this guy sent me five or six messages for every one of mine. I know men don’t get much traction, so I chat with them sometimes. I look at their profile and try to help them, but seriously, if I don’t come back, sending more messages is probably not going to do it.


I did chat with this man a bit, but that’s because I’m interested to know more about someone who does this sort of thing (screencap: author)



The key to AM is to stand out from the herd of oversexed teenaged 40-somethings. Most men follow these three Ashley Madison profile tips, unlike the smart guy. If you don’t do these three things, she’ll notice and think you’re a smart guy — whether you are or not.


She’ll then think you’re more like the man behind her in the bank line (i.e. a regular stand-up guy who respects women). And less like the guy with his cock in his hands beside the dumpster behind an adult theater.


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© Teresa J. Conway, 2022

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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