3 Tips for Picking Up Ashley Madison Women

A screenshot of Ashley Madison online dating
(photo: author via Canva.com)

I have matched dozens of men with women on Ashley Madison by coaching them through the steps that get them there. I’d like to say I’ve developed a technique that works, but I really didn’t develop it – I just use it. If I told you what it is, you’d say, “what? What sort of technique is that?”

And I’d say, “one that works.”

When I work with my clients, they often mention what they’ve done in the past. They explore pickup artists and dating advice based on “red-pill” tactics found on Reddit. I don’t really know a lot about red pills other than the image of a bunch of losers hanging out, convincing each other how they’ve “figured it out” and how stupid the sheeple are. What I don’t see is them being successful with women. So, I haven’t researched pickup artists and what they do to be successful because I’m not sure it’s relevant in an online dating environment. 

The other reason I don’t pay attention to that is that I know what works for my clients based on trial and error over the last two years. What’s my secret? 

Avoid all sex talk with Ashley Madison Women

No sex innuendoes in the user handle, no sexy promises in the profile, and no sex in the messages. I also recommend never asking for or sending pictures. Why do I tell my clients this? Every guy on the platform is doing that stuff. In fact, my clients were doing that stuff. Not only does it not work, it mutes your voice because you become just another man in a green shirt in a crowd of men in green shirts. It doesn’t matter if the men are being rude or not at that point because she can’t see you.

I’ve experienced full-up sexy guy approach firsthand, and it’s annoying. What it actually does is it makes thinning the herd much easier because they self-identify.

Pro Tip #1 – To stand out, don’t wear a green shirt when the crowd wears green shirts.

Isn’t she on Ashley Madison looking for sex?

Of course, she is. She’s come to Ashley Madison looking for sex and excitement like the men. But she isn’t looking for sex and excitement with a loser. She’s looking for sex with a nice guy who she can trust when she’s naked and alone in a hotel room. She’s also looking for someone to care for her sexual and emotional needs. She needs to feel emotionally and physically safe with the person before I agree to meet them. 

Pro Tip #2 – She has to feel safe

Men on Ashley Madison use tactics that would only work on themselves

Men don’t seem to realize a sexualized approach doesn’t appeal to women. The more I study this, the more I see men doing things that would actually appeal to themselves. It is almost as if they are trying to pick themselves up when you consider what their messages look like when on the other foot – 

If a hot chick messaged a man out of the blue by sending boob and pussy pics and said, “let’s fuck” most men would be 95% interested before they sent her their first message.

But what works for men doesn’t work for women

Men don’t realize that women get the “let’s fuck” message every day of their lives, from when their breasts swell between 11 and 13 until they die.

Their brother’s friends make comments, their classmates pinch them, their dad’s friends look down their tops, male teachers check them out, old men ogle them, men on the street make dirty comments, etc. – it never ends.

Even when they get fat or old, it doesn’t stop; it just slows down a little. By the time they get to Ashley Madison, they will have had a lifetime of experience fending off men’s sexual advances and more of the same won’t change their minds. 

Conversely, men would welcome sexual advances as self-affirmation

When they get on Ashley Madison, they think, hey, all the chicks here want to fuck, so let’s get to it.

And they are right; most of the chicks do want to fuck. The men, however, conclude they’ve been locked in a candy store overnight and behave accordingly. They fail to see that they aren’t in a candy store but a regular store where all the same rules apply and that they still have to work to attract women. 

Pro Tip #3 – Women aren’t attracted by overt displays of sexuality.

What is online dating like?

I tell clients that online dating is no different than meeting an attractive lady looking at cabbage in the produce section. I ask them to think about which of these three approaches will work the best to get a conversation going in the grocery store:

  • Showing her your penis
  • Telling her how you’d love to rub buttery cabbage leaves over her body
  • Asking her how the cabbages are because you’d like to make your mom’s cabbage rolls (awe, isn’t that sweet?)


My online “pick up” advice is simply this – engage Ashley Madison women like women anywhere else you’d meet in your life. Unless men open a woman’s Ashley Madison account, they will not see how utterly pathetic men can be at engaging women.


Be different so she can distinguish you from the crowd. While every other guy is telling her how much pussy they eat, and you come in low and slow she’ll notice. 

Ignore the elephant in the room – sex – and she’ll see you. She knows she wants sex, you know she wants sex, and you both know you want sex, so why mention it?

Would you ask the lady putting cabbage in her cart if she wants cabbage? You wouldn’t because it’s obvious. However, saying hi and asking her how she’s doing while you put cabbage in your cart might be enough to start a convo. 

Remember, your job is not to convince her to have sex but to convince her to have sex with you. 

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Check out my products and services page to get more tips and tricks from your favorite Adultery Faery!

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Want to learn more? Check me out on Medium.com!

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Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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