This blog post was adapted from Episode 2433 — Why I Reply on Ashley Madison When I’m Not Looking — of The Teresa Pod.
Let’s start with the most common question: Why do I even bother keeping my Ashley Madison profile open if I’m not looking to meet anyone?
Yes, I could hide my profile. But leaving it open allows me to message my clients as well. And…I do enjoy seeing who has the courage-or confidence-to message me, knowing full well they’re not supposed to. That leads us to why I actually respond to these messages.
Take, for example, one man who messaged me and said:
“I don’t think all of the ladies have the confidence, intelligence, and passion that I feel from reading your profile. You’re clearly all of those amazing attributes and more.”
Sure, he was a bit forward, but he was also polite. He didn’t just copy-paste some boring or sexual line. He was respectful, confident, and engaged with my profile in a way that made me curious enough to respond. He even admitted that he’s attracted to strong women, and while that might have been a bit much for some, his sincerity stood out to me.
Think of Ashley Madison-or any dating platform for that matter-like a crowd of men all wearing green shirts. Their profiles are all the same: generic, uninspired, with poor photos and lackluster messages. So how does one stand out in that sea of sameness?
One guy who messaged me even referenced this when he said, “I promise, if you ever want to meet me, I won’t wear a green shirt.” I loved that he paid attention to my advice, and it was clever, making him memorable.
If you want to stand out, you have to stop doing what everyone else is doing. It’s not just about persistence or spamming messages-it’s about putting in the effort, being creative, and showing that you’re different in a good way.
Not all men who message me get a response, though. In fact, I block some right off the bat.
The ones who get blocked are the men who:
- Send boring, thoughtless messages like “Hi” or “What’s up?”
- Immediately launch into overtly sexual comments
- Show no respect for my clear boundaries or instructions in my profile
For example, if a man’s first message is something stupid like, “I’m great in bed, let’s meet,” I’m not wasting a second of my time replying. I block immediately. I’m not interested in engaging with someone who doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to craft a thoughtful, respectful message.
Here’s another example. One man messaged me saying:
“You seem like the most real person on here. Any chance you’d want to meet for coffee?”
He wasn’t being pushy or over the top, just authentic. I told him to Google my profile, and when he did, he came back saying, “Oh, now I’m intrigued. Is it too soon to say I love you? LOL.” He made me smile with that, and it showed he was paying attention.
Here’s what works:
- Confidence: Take the risk, but do it respectfully.
- Politeness: Show respect for her boundaries and don’t be sexual.
- Genuine Interest: Read her profile and craft messages based on what she’s shared about herself.
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Originally published at https://teresajconway.substack.com.