Wedding rings and affair partners (AP). Should you keep that band of gold on your finger, or does it come off when you’re with someone who didn’t give it to you? This popped up on Reddit, so let’s see what the wisdom of the crowd had to say!
The “Yes” Camp
So let’s start with those who say, “Yes, keep it on!”
TravellingGuy1984, puts it like this: “Just an extra visual/physical symbol to emphasize what you two are doing.” The ring, for him, makes being with a married woman even more thrilling. OpenPants, a woman, also says that wearing her ring doesn’t change anything for her and her partner. “Always wear it. Doesn’t do anything for us.”
Sp2520, another woman, puts it quite straightforwardly: “I’ve met several male potential partners from AM [Ashley Madison] and they all wear their ring. I actually hardly ever wear mine but put it on when I meet my AP cause I would feel like it might come off weird if I don’t.”
Seamus1955, said, “I think being with a woman who is wearing her ring makes the experience hotter for both of us.”
For me, I keep it on. I have ADHD, and there is a 99% chance that I would leave them somewhere if I took them off.
Reading through the thread, there were more than a few people who got off on having sex with a married woman. Some said their single affair partners really liked it because it was thrilling to have a piece of something that wasn’t theirs. Others talked about men who liked to ejaculate on the lady’s rings, etc.
Rings, for some, are a powerful symbol of a bond that’s taboo to break. Breaking that taboo in this way is part of something that’s been coined “sperm wars” between men. Where men gain self-fulfillment by depositing sperm in other men’s women — not that a woman can belong to anyone.
Me? Wearing rings doesn’t do anything for me. If my AP gets off on it, he hasn’t said, so I’m guessing no, because he would have said. What I love about wearing my ring is that people think we are married when they see us, and I really like that.
The “No” Camp
Of course, there are those who say, “Nah, better take it off.”
Chart_Spread24, a woman, shares, “AP takes his ring off when we’re together by choice. If anything seeing his ring is a reminder that he’ll never really be mine.”
I can see that.
SwungDoor70, a man, adds his two cents, “I haven’t worn mine in 20 years, why start now? Had a job working with power tools, wearing a ring wasn’t even a second thought.”
Not really the same thing, but this position diminishes the ring's value in his eyes.
Tiny-thing03, another woman, mentioned that she rarely wears her ring and hardly even notices if her outside partners do. She says, “I asked him, and he said he always took it off and would leave it in the car during our meetups.”
Taking it off and leaving it in the car indicates he AP places a value on the ring and his marriage, despite stepping out. Is it out of respect for his wife? Perhaps. When I wear my rings, it isn’t to spite my hub, it just is. My rings are part of me — mostly because of my chubby fingers, though, lol
Somewhere In-Between
Some didn’t fit neatly into either category. RamblesOn_1, a man, said, “I’m indifferent, personally. If things get physical, I prefer to take mine off, though. Just a preference, no logic behind it.”
Broke_bastard88, another man, stated, “I like seeing it on my married exAPs. However, last two unmarried / single AP did not like seeing mine on.”
Being the other woman sucks for a lot of reasons. I feel it most when my AP and wifey go and do something fun together, whether or not I go and do the same sorts of things. For single women, it might be a combination of knowing that they will never have their man or it just reminds them of what bad thing they’re doing.
Takeaways
Wear it, don’t wear it. It doesn’t really matter to me. Here’s my advice when you’re out. Maybe on a first meet or having dinner in a different part of town — keep your ring on!
The reason is this — if someone you know sees you sitting with a strange man or women they might be curious. If they also notice you’re not wearing your ring, they’ll be doubly curious. If you keep your ring on, then it could easily be explained as a meeting with a client, new contact, job seeker, coworker — whatever.
What you’ll never be able to explain satisfactorily is why you needed to meet that client, new contact, job seeker, coworker — whatever — without your ring.
Married people meet other married people all the time and never feel the need to remove their rings. The best way in public to hide your affair is to act normal, and if your normal is wearing your ring, wear your ring.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023