Here’s my acceptance speech, written as I still bask in the glow of this august recognition, which I thought I already had, but now have again. Is this what it means to be a 2 X Top Writer in something? I don’t care. I’m keeping it. Now my speech —
“They like me. They really like me!” Sorry for stealing it Sally, but I love that line.
“First off, I like to thank all of those things that happened to me to make this dream possible. And it wasn’t just the big things, but the little things too. The fun ones, and the seriously fucked up ones!”
“I’d like to thank my mother, that horrid bitch who taught me to hate myself. If it wasn’t for you, mom, I’m pretty sure the traffic accident that was my life wouldn’t have had nearly as many things happening to me as it did. As you always liked to say, I too am “big and over 21,” so can do what I like, but unlike you, I now know how to take responsibility for the things that happen to me sometimes.”
“But seriously, ma, I know it wasn’t all you. I’d also like to thank ADHD for nearly ruining my life and almost every relationship I’ve ever had, including the ones with my children. If it wasn’t for ADHD, I know a serious amount of shit wouldn’t have happened to me, over, and over, and over again, until that hate my mother instilled in me turned to self-loathing, pain, and alcohol abuse in my early 20s. Did some shit happen to me then! Boy oh boy!! Or it didn’t, because there’s a lot I don’t remember. Thank god I had friends who always got me home safe, but I do recall riding a few cocks in there.”
“I sometimes ask myself if I’d ever get this award if I’d just had a mom who didn’t hate me or I collected stamps instead of embarrassing myself with my drinking?”
“I’ll never know, but what I do know is that this happened to me tonight, and no one can take it away, until like, next month, I guess. I’m sure things will still happen to me, but this? I’ll never forget this happening to me. Thank you Medium!”
“Also, keep your email and send me a $500 bonus. There’s the shit I want happening to me.”
“Thank you.”
Join my email list by following this link to a third-party site — HERE — and get a free pdf copy of my ebook — How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress.
Do you want to learn how to start a writing business on Medium? Follow this link to a third-party site and take my free five-email course and begin today!
Link to ⇨ MY FREE COURSE!
© Teresa J. Conway, 2021