TL;DR — This is the text of a very long chat I had with a man on Ashley Madison (AM) who was a master at shutting my pussy down every chance he got. He thought dominating the discussion and using sexual and negative language would somehow make me want drive across town to jump on his cock. Sorry shithead, you’re a fucking asshole, and guess what?
Assholes don’t get laid.
The number one mistake I see men making on AM is thinking the women on AM are sex starved tramps who will fuck anything — like they are. For some reason they figure that unlike the nice lady at work they’re interested in, they can cut to the chase online and just tell us how gud they fuck. How they are going to give it to us, and how much we will appreciate them for it.
Sorry asshole, you and every other guy online will do that. Give me another reason to choose you.
What they seem to forget is that any relationship, whether it’s ultimately sexual or not, needs to be built. You can’t assume that because a woman is on AM, she’s going to open the gates to heaven because you said you fuck gud.
Any man who tells you how good he fucks is probably shitty or selfish in bed.
So why did I engage this guy? Well, when I went back to my profile looking to see if anything was going on, I often look for men who might need a little help. Like the ones who get a little bitchy when you don’t respond. What I try to do is let them know that while she may never respond to you, by being a little bitch, you guarantee she never will.
My message is be kind, be polite, don’t talk about sex until she lets you know it’s ok, and never be negative. Why do I tell men this? Because she wants to be seen. To be heard. If you can show her you can do those things, she’ll warm up to you. Why?
She’s more likely on AM because she isn’t seen or heard at home and not because she a cock hungry cum slut.*
*and even if she’s a cock hungry cum slut, she’s still a human being who deserves your respect, because if you’re an asshole, she’ll pass.
I’d been off AM for a few months by then, and I thought I’d check in because I wanted to see who was wasting their money on me.
Pro tip — don’t send messages to women who haven’t been active on the site for more than 48 hours because you are wasting your money, so set your search parameters properly.
I only came back to this guy because he made the mistake a lot of men do after their first message goes unanswered — they shut the door on my pussy by throwing a pity party because I didn’t respond.
But of course your Faery Godmother of Adultery is always interested in finding out why someone would be such a huge asshole, so I kept calm and chatted on!
Just for fun I’m leaving it to you to distinguish my comments from his. I’m sure it won’t be hard to figure out. I’ve made about three edits to my comments and zero to his.
For ease of reference, I have bolded his sexualized messages and put his negative messages in italics. Stick around, because I count them up at the end!
CAUTION KATTY BITCH AHEAD
July 23rd — hello, here is hoping you are a real person and not a bot,lol. I have read your profile and i really think we could have alot of fun. For me, i am very unique and this adventure is to find a lady to make it all about the lady, and her desires, adventures, her open mindedness and craving for sexual adventure. Would you care to chat
July 23rd — guess not, must b a bot,lol
September 5th — Not a bot lol, just busy with my guy ;)
September 23rd —Still not a bot :)
Observation — I was surprised he didn’t come back right away, because I don’t think most men like him would get a response, so I poked him again.
September 23rd — well that is awesome news for sure,lol. odd ppl dont reply when they get an email,lol, epsecialy if they are looking fro fun
Observation — the first thing this asshole does is complain to me because I didn’t hop-to when he clapped his hands, and he is further insulted because my lack of reply seems to say I’m not here to fuck — when I clearly should be. Nice opener shithead.
September 23rd — If you were a woman you’d have turned your emails off because from the second your profile goes live you’re flooded with messages, winks, favourites, and views, so about 38 seconds after that you turn your notifications off.
September 23rd — Secondly, while I’m out for fun, that doesn’t mean everyone gets a ride. What it means is I’m looking for the right person on here who’s going to make me feel good, safe, and sexy. And a person that I think will be sexy and intelligent enough to carry a conversation. That could be you, but it could also be 25 other guys.
September 23rd — phew, that wud not be fun having all those emails. But in all honesty , woulda women not expect to be flooded with emails, especially since she is looking for alittle fun out of the norm. to be able to feel what she use and isnt at home anymore. And i get that, i am very picky in who i wud wantto have fun with too. I am respectfull, discreet, attentive but most of all, for me, its all about the lady, her desires, her wants , her needs and the mind for her to say what excites her and turns her on and live life with no regrets. I am not like any other guy :)
Comment — Yeah, no. You’re like a lot of guys honey, unless you have dick growning out of your forehead.
Observation — I’m on AM so I should expect to be flooded with emails. Emails he’s just bitched me out for not answering…
September 23rd — I also like a good write up that tells me something I don’t know, and makes me laugh a little. And you might not believe this, but grammar, spelling, and punctuation go a long way to making me feel comfortable. Why’s that? It makes me feel like you’ve taken the time, and it also suggests that we are going to have a decent chat. If the chat is like pulling teeth, or I think it will be, I usually don’t stop in.
September 23rd — To answer your question about emails, no, most first-time women on here aren’t ready for that. And for the first day or so it feels pretty good to be noticed, but then you tire of it.
September 23rd — One of the things that attracts me to a person is not talking about sex and fun.
September 23rd — If you remember meeting your wife, I’m sure the first conversation you had wasn’t about how good/hard/fast you were going to seduce or fuck her. You need to get her on the hook first.
September 23rd — The best way to the lady parts is through her brain and heart.
September 23rd — well i can make ppl laff without taking off my clothes. I live life to the fullest each and every day as we neve r knwo if there is a tomorrow.. Sounds like you are looking for Mr Perfect,lol. Would it really matter if the can can type or have the odd typo as he was climaxing you a cpl of times long before he penetrated you,lol
September 23rd — LOL, there are no Mr. Perfects on here, and I do love to fuck, but you need to get me on the hook. Asking if I’m a bot doesn’t really do that, but I can understand why you’re probably frustrated.
Comment — I’m not looking for Mr. Asshole either, pal, just so you know.
September 23rd — Have you had any luck on here?
September 23rd — If it wasnt for bad luck i would have no luck at all. I find that most women , when they contemplate how erotic and sexually and thrilling all this can and should be, when reality sets in, they get cold feet, say omg thiis is not for me, or they feel guilty or any of the 39 excuses they come up with. And then the ones you do meet, well lets just say it hasnt been fun yet
Observation — Yeah, it must be her because it couldn’t be you.
September 23rd — The best approach that works with me is when the man agrees with me when I point things out. Why? Because I’m testing to see what his reaction is going to be. Will he tell me I’m looking for Mr. Perfect, or agree with me? If he gets his back up a little, I’m not sure I’m going to have a good time with him because it’s like he takes himself too seriously.
September 23rd — And no, I don’t mind a typo, but it paints a picture.
September 24th — well i must thank you for replying, that was very decent of you for sure. This is all suppose to be for fun, for me,to take a lady to perhaps a level of desire she never has, or hasnt been there in a very long time. I think ppl forget how easily life can be taken away at the blink of an eye, and they should not have drama or stupidity in their life, but merely a huge huge amount fo fun and excitment. lol, trust me, if we were playing the last thing on your mind would be my typos,lol
September 24th — oh i have been told several numerous times, you really shoudl use spell check, and you really shoudl read your emails before you sent them, and you really shoudl construct themproperly and well you know something, maybe ishuld have taken typing in high school instead of home ek,lol
September 24th — But i didnt,lol, and ppl say i have no filter, find that hard to beleive, AND they say i can be sarcastic, now that one is a bit of a stretch i think. Im told i am handsome, dont see it. But the one thing that is the most common comment about me is i sure am fun to be with , and that you can take to the bank, and im not braggng, just being honest
September 24th — and it appears you are finished chatting,lol. so I think you fo rthe bit we had, and you have a Happy Friday
September 24th — LOL, I was just getting a coffee :)
September 24th — oh stupid me, i thougth ,ok , well now u have just pissed her off and she is gone
Comment — I agree, stupid you. This guy is so triggered that I can’t even step away without him getting pouty. It was around here I thought he’d make a good article.
September 24th — Where I was talking about the typos and grammar etc was in the profile. That’s the bait I always look for. In the text convo, not so much because it’s text. Even if you think you’ve pissed her off, you just need to chill. You seem a little stressed but you should keep it out of your messages.
September 24th — oh if i think i have pissed her off and she doesnt respond back, i do not pursue, lol
Observation — But not before you piss and moan about it.
September 24th — what gives you that impression lol because of my analogy of women and why they ar ehere and dont meet ,lol
September 24th — You’re correcting me by telling me what I should and shouldn’t like
September 24th — I am???
September 24th — If I say I don’t like typos, you say sorry, I have fat thumbs, you don’t say — typos don’t matter
September 24th — It’s all part of the cat and mouse game you need to play
September 24th — oh noo nooo nooo typos do matter , for sure, just as much as respect and honesty and dicretion
Observation — Now typos do matter?
September 24th — so i take it im the mouse,lol
September 24th — We’ll, in this convo you are the mouse, but in your next one? Be the cat :)
Comment — more like a rat.
September 24th — You need to smooth out your game and think about your responses. I know you might not like that, or find it hard, or even notice you do it, but that “oh, well, you’re done so have a nice day message” really helps put a “we’re closed” sign on my pussy
September 24th — you know, i might have been told that once or twice before, not about the sign on your pussy but that i might want to soften my approach, and i appreciate you mentioning that to me
September 24th — well sometimes my dominance is somewhat overwhelming as you canwell imagine,lol
September 24th — do you really have a sign for your pussy
September 24th — No, I don’t have a sign for my pussy. I usually just say — no thanks.
Comment — or just ignore you like I did the first time.
September 24th — You would be surprised how coming in low and slow, whether you’re dominant or not, really works. Be non-sexually flattering, don’t talk about how well you’ll fuck me, agree with the things I say — the best you can, and never offer a counter point until things are going well.
September 24th — oh i would never tell you how well i wud fuck you, that is setting exspectations. Awww ok because it probably make you walk funny and people might think you were handicapped,
September 24th — so would it be an assumption that you are a dominant type women
September 24th — I’m a bit of a lady boss, because I’m a lady boss. But I imagine, like most women, I like to be shown a good time without doing too much work for it. I prefer men to do two things — lead in bed and know what things I like and to give them too me.
September 24th — What I’ve found that works well here, just like in real life, is if you start as if I’ve sat next to you on a plane. You know I’m going on a trip, but you don’t know exactly what I’m doing other than maybe going the same place as you. You say hello, and add something about me if you can, from my profile. You don’t talk about yourself until I ask, to show that you are focused on me.
September 24th — oh i see, like the carging attentive person who is intrigued why you are wearing that type of hat but a truly afraid to ask or offend
September 24th — Yes, I need to see that you are considerate, somewhat caring, and not centred on yourself. I’ve been cheating for over three years, have met a number of people, and know what works for me. I’m average in many ways, so assume what works for me will work with many women. What you need to understand is that I have to be interested in you, and like you, before I’m going to meet you, and it won’t matter what you look like if neither of those conditions are met.
September 24th — The main reason why I stopped in was exactly because you did something that’s a huge turn off. Thinking I’m a bot, saying so, and being a little pouty about it.
September 24th — well this is why i seek a lady who has a mindwho will voice her desires, wants etc. I am a leader not a follower. Yes i certainly can see that you are a lady boss,not a fact that would, have needed to be shared. so how long have you been taking this flight,lol, any turbulence,lol
Comment — We all have minds asshole.
September 24th — Three years and probably a dozen men in that time. I went a decade without, so needed to stretch my legs. Some were two at a time.
September 24th — wow thats alot of fun
September 24th — well i can see our point and appreciate you mentioning that, again another point well deserved and acknowledged. Is this your way of telling me that you dont like to chat on the plane and you just want to look out the window
September 24th — If I’m here chatting, it means I’m here chatting!
Comment — I should have said yes, I didn’t want to chat, but the point I was making was if I was still talking, he still had a chance, but he always wanted to tell me what I was doing and thinking. Total turn off. And this fucker thinks he’s fun?
September 24th — But I’m here chatting, because I saw you were a little frustrated because I didn’t respond, and then you called me a bot. And I thought, I’m going to help him not turn women off by saying things like that.
September 24th — well thank you for stopping by and correcting me and trying to help me soften my blow
September 24th — Have you had any luck here?
September 24th — no, are you surprised,lol
September 24th — Um….yeah….completely….why do you think that is?
September 24th — LOL
September 24th — Im shocked you would think that, oh i dont know, impatient, no time for stupidity, dont do games, not impressed with a person who doesnt have the capabilty to truly know what they want, hows that for starters
Comment — I know I don’t want you asshole.
September 24th — Well, my first thought is, that won’t get you laid. I have to go, but I’ll be back. We need to work on your game MISTER!
September 24th — that wouldbe lovely to continue this chat for sure. I presume you are off to to work for the day s have a great one
September 24th — perhaps my textng is too harsh, whereby a meet might not show me actually being as ruff aorund the edges as i sond. No , not to fuck you but to chat :)
September 24th — I only meet for one reason, and it’s not to chat, but I tell you what, I’ll help you makeover your profile to soften it up and I’ll give you some ideas about a first message. I think the main challenge is your approach.
September 24th — The first step — believe it or not — is to change your profile name to something more welcoming — Viking_Man — Viking_Boy — Viking_Lover. She doesn’t want to fight you Viking_Warrior, she wants to maybe fuck you, so just a little dial down will go a long way.
September 24th — The second step — also believe it or not, don’t have any visible pictures until she asks for them. Make all your pics private, and leave your profile pic empty. Then it will show your little catch-phrase like mine does.
September 24th — The third step is — now that we’ve been chatting, I’ll give you an idea of what your profile should say.
September 24th — She will love that you are honest, open, and direct, but you need to slowly introduce her to that. The way to her pussy is through her mind and heart. She’s here for sex, sure, but that doesn’t make her a horny slut who’ll fuck anyone. More likely than not she’s neglected at home and wants to feel attractive.
September 24th — So, there’s some homework — step one and step two.
September 24th — And I don’t recall what your catch phrase is, but — “Looking for more” or something like that will work.
Comment — He was “Looking for an FWB”
September 24th — So why hide your pictures? It’s a funny thing, but it’s easier to like the looks of someone you’ve already gotten to know a little, than to just see them. And you’re not smiling in your profile pic, so look grumpy. Finally, anyone showing their face in public on here doesn’t seem like security is a big issue, and if it’s not for them, they’ll probably fuck mine up too, and trust me, I have far too much to lose to risk getting caught.
September 25th — HI, thank you so much for offering your opinion and coaching . The pic is not of me, for obvious reasons, but there is some simularity to me. Also i am not here to cheat on my wife but am here for my wifes wishes. This is what she has posted but most women do not have the mental capaibiilty to process such a unique adventure.
The wife’s profile says — This is a huge turn on for me I’m an open minded women, I know that there are women-single/married out there who for various reasons, may need an outlet for what they may not be getting at home or being single. We are looking for a lady who wants to hang out with us. I am hoping for just one person and not several. Age is not important however maturity is. I would hope for a friendship, if that’s possible. We are a fun couple to hang out with, we enjoy life to the fullest This ad was written by and maintained by the lady Hubby is 50, 6"3', handsome, blue eyes and very skilled.
September 25th — AND its NOT a 3some, she is not involved on the sexual side of this unique adventure, doesnt watch, not even in same area of house or whereever play on the estate
September 25th — Automated message to me — Please send me a key to access your private photos
September 25th — I think your message and name are much better. So I guess what I can say now is in that photo, the first thing I saw were ears. Now I can get over ears if I like you, but those ears were a deal breaker. I’m glad they weren’t yours.
Observation — Don’t use someone else’s picture, that’s just so stupid FFS.
September 25th — And your arrangement would turn on a lot of women, so don’t worry about that. You aren’t as unique as you think.
His profile write up — Hello I am an attached man looking to give lots of attention and fun to a lady It’s all about the lady, her wants, her needs and her desires!! I have been told I am good looking and handsome, Discreet, honest, funny respectfull Enjoys fun with a lady , and to see her smile with excitement
September 25th — Why not just use the one she wrote? It is very good and lays out what you want. Honestly, when you cheat, it’s tough to coordinate what both are doing. If one partner can host and their spouse is ok with it, it works a lot better.
September 25th — because women cant handle that type of situation right off the bat. they need ot be eased into it
September 25th — i have been told they mentaly cant handle somethign liek that , having my queen knowing the other women and her being in the house while we fuck
Observation — Holy FUCK! My pretty little head is spinning!
September 25th — LOL. Who told you that? It’s called ethical non-monogamy, and there are both men and women in similar situations who are looking for partners just like you. You’re a silly bear!
September 25th — women who i have spoken to about meeting up
September 25th — You have to ease people into things. You don’t need to tell them right off the bat your wife will be home. You say you are either in an open marriage, or are ethically non-monogamous and the women into that will understand. What it does is send a message that you confident in yourself and your situation.
September 25th — Seriously, I fucked five guys in a sex club while blowing my BF. Do you think I’d give a shit if your wife was watching? You underestimate women my friend, and because of that, you will miss out.
September 25th — Gotta go! More later lol
September 25th — you say you send out your pics when asked, yet i asked and you failed to do so
September 25th — in my books, a person is only as good as their word :)
September 25th — You have this funny way of really drying my pussy out, you know that? lol
September 25th — Automated message from me — I’ve granted you access to my private photos
September 25th — well lady boss, its has truly been a pleasure. i thank you for all yor great advice, the time you took to reply to my email, to try and help me meet ladys, and i so wish you the best of luck
September 25th — oh and btw, that is a very impressive photo gallery,lol
September 25th — oh and btw, the only reason i said good bye was because i knew there was no interest on your side, but i really do appreciate all the pointers you gave me. i have made the changes and i will see how well your good deeds will prevail.
September 25th — i would presume you are a total hurricane when it comes to sex,lol, and live life with no regrets. YOU TOTALY ROCK [my awesome user name is deleted]
September 25th — and i am being very sincere when i say THANK YOU
September 25th — but if you want to meet for a coffee tomrrow am , let me know, i wud love to meet a ball buster like yourself,lol just for shits and giggles,lol
September 25th — Nope. I have to be a very good wife tomorrow, sorry!
September 25th — y is that i find it hard ot beleive u wud HAVE OT BE a VERY good wife,lol
September 25th — The best way to keep cheating is to give them no reason to think you would. It helps me be a better wife.
September 25th — yes i think you are right. so y do u have ot be a good little wifey tomorrow
September 25th — Because we go for breakfast and then shopping. It’s our little together time during the busy week. It’s important to not break patterns of behaviour or habits. Things need to look normal.
September 25th — I have a Sunday afternoon scheduled with my BF for five or six hours. That’s my time ;)
September 25th — well thats hot for sure. very kewl for u im sure
September 25th — It’s not that easy to get out of the house and I work from home
September 25th — hmmmmmmmmmmm but y no sex, im sure you can squeeze in some fun time. or at least you should and i am quite sure , you could wangle a way out to have a wee bit of fun, just to keep you level,lol
September 25th — I woudl think a lady with your intelligence wud find away to escape for abit you need ot have adventure, break the pattern of mundane,
September 25th — I walk my pup to do that. She keeps me company.
September 25th — You have to slow your roll. Notice have I haven’t said anything about wanting to meet you, and in fact I said I wouldn’t, but you keep coming back there, reminding me that I don’t want to meet you. You need to figure out what I don’t want to do and then stay away from there. That way I think, gee, he seems nice. He seems like he’s interested in me. I wonder what he’s like. But by focusing on in it, all I’m thinking is — he’s not listening to me — and that reminds me of what the man I live with does.
September 25th — ok, im out
September 25th — LOL, you should enjoy the ride more and learn to take a little bump without being like that. Anyway, I’m out too. So tired. But you now know I’m not a bot ;)
September 25th — Good luck!!!!
Takeaway
During the part of the discussion I’ve capture here, there were 24 negative messages and 27 sexualized messages in his 46 texts. This was despite the fact that I told him throughout that I’m not interested, and that crude sex talk really isn’t a turn on.
I really don’t know what this guy’s main play was other than –
Hey bitches, I’m awesome, fuck me!
And if that’s the best you can do asshole, I predict you and Rosie Palm are going to be watching a lot of Pornhub together.
Here’s more AM fun from the night I opened this account —
Testing the pathetic waters for sport and adventuremedium.com
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