The opening message is the first impression, and in an environment where the odds are at least 5:1, there are four other guys out there begging for my attention. Here are a selection of some opening lines I’ve been getting lately. And I have to say, if you’re sending messages like this, don’t expect the girls to come running.
Les messages
Hi my name is Steve. What are your fantasies. We are all on the site to get extra attention that we are not currently getting. I am a very easy going and open minded person. I can use you like you want to be used with having lots of fun doing it My fantasy is tying you to the bed and blind fold you I would start at your toes kiss my way up and stopping for a yummy snack until you cum. Than I would continue on my journey and suck your beautiful boobs and kiss your neck and kiss those soft lips while I am still feeling your pussy and make love to you until you cum again would love to try my fantasy. What is yours?
Not being tied up.
Mickey Mouse — I got lots of money to take care of you if you want if you want to be my lady that would be great
Me — Nope
Mickey Mouse — I can have you taken care of
Me — I’m already seeing someone, but all I really needed was sex. Everything else is taken care of ;-)
Mickey Mouse — I can give you good sex
Oh, good sex?
Hi there. Interesting write up! I’m new here like 1week new. Maybe I should’ve winked before messaging you but winks get lost in the noise. Not here to argue but there isn’t 12 of me ;) Sent me a pic please, I need to know you have what I’m looking for and using credits to connect with interesting, mysterious women is never a waste. Check me out and reply. I’ll wait a day or 2 . Cheers
Longer than that, I’d think.
Eric — Hi…my name’s Eric. Interested in chatting some time? Something simple…a haiku, or perhaps you’re into limericks? Let me know! Have a good weekend. Ciao.
Me — haiku
Me several days later — And there, you had me all excited. Finally something different, I thought. But no. Not at all.
No haiku, no sex
once melted butter stone cold
pants zipped, the cat dry
You seem like the kind of woman I go for, but hopefully we will see. My first message to you isn’t going to be too flashy because I don’t know you. I hope that will change. I can definitely be fun with the right person.
I can definitely be fun with the right person, know one?
Chemo — Can we meet for a drink to check the chemistry?
Me — Generally, I’ll see if there’s chemistry when we chat. If I don’t like the chat, there’ll be no meeting. The “hey baby, can I buy you a drink” bit isn’t going to do it for you ;)
Chemo — So, what do you look like?
Me — This one isn’t doing it for me either as far as chat goes. When I read something like this my first thought is — chemistry means “how big is her ass?”
No reply?
I have a fondness for promiscuous married women who are smart enough to convince everyone of their faithfulness. Especially hubby ;)
You’ll love me.
Honestly, just wasting credits to say, best profile I’ve read. Respect the straight to the point approach! Nice to see on here. All the best! And good luck with finding what you are looking for.
Thank you, sir.
Hi there. I said might as well give this a shot and see if you reply. Well what can I say I would love if you do as from reading your profile you sound like someone I would love to get to know. So fingers crossed I get a reply but if I don’t. Have a good one and always keep smiling.
Don’t tell me to smile.
hi i am 44 years old local nice and gentle promise married 3 kids recently graduated college for the 3rd time doing contracts right now driving Lyft part time would love to connect if you feel like it thanks
They must be proud.
Eastside Mario — Greetings from the barstools of Little Italy. You really should be here…there is this one really cute guy…;
Hey, bah-da-boom-bah-da-pass.
Hey first things first, I do not fit in your criteria I am in mid 30s now but I couldn’t help but notice the honesty and realness in your profile. It would be fascinating to know more about you. I believe in respecting women so no I am gonna tell you about how great I am in bed or what I can do. It is stupid. and I cannot say that I respect you if I do not respect your age rules. But if you are willing to make an exception , I will be a lucky companion or friend. I wish you the best either way
I don’t make the rules here…oh wait.
Hi Lady, I’m also married. I’m 6'1" and keep myself in shape.
I have a shape I keep.
Hi there. I read your profile and I must admit it made me both interested and scared! Lol! You are obviously someone who values no BS life style. So I’m coming into town in a few weeks and I’m looking for someone nice to meet and have a dinner date with. It doesn’t have to lead to anything more unless it does. Is this something you would be open to?
I liked this, so told him no thanks. I’m not a total bitch.
Hi there. Are you real? and from here?
Are you for real?
Good morning
Your profile seems interesting :)
The only thing I am not 40
But I am a nice man kind and I know what I want so I won’t waste your time
I hope we can chat and you judge if we match or not. [sends pics] This is me
You wasted my time.
Hi. I usually pretty tight with credits. I hate the thought of paying AM to send worthless messages to fake profiles, but I liked your attitude! And I know you have been on here awhile so I think it’s fair to assume you are real to start! I’ve had a couple hookups from here but nothing great tbh. This doesn’t seem like the easiest platform to find some fun on the down low (like you say)?! I am here on a long term project. Typically solo but my wife is coming later this month for a stay. I’m ridiculously busy with work and trying to stay healthy and fit so I really don’t have a lot of time to work at this right now. However I do love women, touch, some fun and a good connection ! Discretion is critical. I am a fan of the 2 min in person rule to gauge interest. I am not complicated, super respectful, and honest. Love to hear from you and see a pic at some point. Meet for a coffee… no pressure.
No time to fuck two women?
Hello, I’m 53, 5'10", 190, fit (runner/cyclist), fun, down-to-earth, considered handsome, and someone who loves good food, better wine, stimulating conversations and new experiences. I’m serious about meeting someone through AM, so excited to connect and hopefully find an arrangement that works for both people. I’m looking to meet occasionally for coffee, to grab a bite, and of course to have some fun and hot erotic times together. I’m serious, no head games, and I hope this message will peak your interest. Cheers, c
Love me some hot erotic times.
Hi, I’m impressed! Your profile first off says your real and know what you want. That’s awesome. Also proves your not an AM bot. I’m sure they throw up profiles daily just to draw a few credits out of the dozens of us guys here looking to spice it up. But that’s business…. Lol Now for my A game….impossible via my thumbs. Or anyone’s for that matter. Just to easy to hide behind a keyboard or too hard to show how much fun we really are. But has to start here. Or at a pickup joint. So no promises of anything. Well…I can probably make you smile if we ever meet up. There’s my pitch. Does the batter swing at it??
Swing and a miss.
His username was CuddleBear and I kind of liked that. He contacted me and I wrote back not knowing where this would go. He may look big and intimidating, but it turns out he is just as caring as his look can be scary. I could take a chance. Nothing to lose, passionate adventures to gain…
Thought Teresa, never.
Fin
And there you have it! More fun times on AM. The weird, the crude, the dumb, and the WTF. Some of these guys go on to quit the platform in frustration because they don’t have any luck. And I’m sure they never wonder if it was them and their opening lines in stead of blaming bots?
Takeaway? Don’t be like these guys.
This is what happened the first night I opened my Ashley Madison profile —
Want to read more stories like this on Medium?
Follow this link to subscribe for $5 bucks a month and get unlimited access to all my stories, and 1000s more on Medium! ⇨ JOIN MEDIUM TODAY!
Did I do something nice for you? Tip me!
Do you need help with your messaging game? Let me know and I can help you. Follow this third-party link to all my Ashley Madison and dating products and services ⇨ UP YOUR AM GAME TODAY!
© Teresa J. Conway, 2021