In this second installment of my interview with an online cheater, we explore virtual affairs in more detail. We look at who’s out there; what sorts hotness one can get up to; and find out if online sex can evolve.
For many, an online affair might be the connection people are looking for to safely exploit their sexual fantasies in an virtual environment without physically cheating.
What’s the difference between virtual and physical cheating?
I think that’s up to the cheater and their spouse. My guess is not many spouses would be happy to know she was tossing off with an online lover, but that would be better than the alternative. To the cheater, the sexual act is likely easier to justify because there’s a camera between you and your lover. To me, it’s harmless fun, because you can always turn the camera off. In a physical affair, no matter what you do, you can’t unfuck someone, and that’s usually a sticking point for the offended spouse. Of course, the offended spouse would never ask how they contributed to the affair, but I digress…
They feel underappreciated by husbands and just exist in a life they seem to solely function for the purpose of doing stuff for other people. What they are looking for online is an escape from that. They want to be seen, to be complimented and desired, to be lusted after.
Teresa J Conway (TJC): If you’ve had other virtual APs (vAP), tell us about them. What are the similarities you’ve noticed between them or their differences? Are the women you meet mostly virtual, or have some spoken about meeting in person. [the idea here is to draw out what the ’type’ is — if there is one, and then perhaps suggest why they prefer the virtual relationships over physical ones (covid aside)]
MS: In some ways, there is a definite type. In others, there is a lot of variation. In my experience, the ladies I play with tend to be in a similar situation to me. They are married, they have become bored of their lifestyle. They feel underappreciated by husbands and just exist in a life they seem to solely function for the purpose of doing stuff for other people. What they are looking for online is an escape from that. They want to be seen, to be complimented and desired, to be lusted after. Most of the ladies I play with are older, usually in their 40s, although sometimes younger. However, I also have to consider that this is not necessarily the type of lady drawn to online affairs; perhaps that is the type of person I am drawn to! I don’t have a type in terms of physical appearance, and there isn’t a lot of consistency between my partners. What is more important to me is a psychological connection that is often driven by life experience more than anything else.
The idea of meeting in person has only come up a couple of times. I usually try to talk to people in a different continent to remove that temptation. However, there was one gorgeous American girl I was chatting with a few years ago who came to the UK for a wedding. She told me where she was staying and asked if I wanted to go and meet her in person. I was sorely tempted as she had some of the greatest breasts I’d ever seen, and we got on really well; we had a really intense connection — but I chickened out and said I wanted to keep it online. I still regret that decision.
So I had my wife on facetime, chatting away, who was completely oblivious to the fact I was watching a naked lady finger herself whilst I stroked my cock for her.
TJC: What is the hottest thing you’ve seen or done virtually? What turns you on the most in your virtual encounters?
MS: Like any relationship, what is hot evolves as the relationship changes. So for me, I love that first time. The first time she sends me a picture, the first time I hear her voice, the first time she turns on her camera and takes off her bra. Seeing someone naked for the very first time is a thrill, regardless of whether it’s online or in person. But the single hottest thing I’ve ever done was with an AP from Australia. We were camming — she was naked, touching herself, I was stroking my cock — when my wife called me over facetime. At first, I ignored it, but then my AP said I should call her back, so I did. So I had my wife on facetime, chatting away, who was completely oblivious to the fact I was watching a naked lady finger herself whilst I stroked my cock for her. The call only lasted about 30 seconds, but it was extremely intense and super-hot.
Watching her squirm, watching her hips buck and her body shake as I slowly increased the intensity was wild.
TJC: Have you considered or used remotely operated sex toys on a partner, or has she used them on you? If not, would you consider it?
MS: I have tried this a few times with different partners. The first time I was just text chatting with an Irish girl and controlling her sex toy — I couldn’t see her, so to be honest, it was fairly boring. The idea was hot — making someone cum remotely, but as I couldn’t see or hear her, I could have just been playing candy crush or something for all the sexual connection that was created. But the next time was with a girl from California who I cammed with whilst controlling her toy. Again, it was really hot, watching her respond to my touch, albeit through a phone app from thousands of miles away! Watching her squirm, watching her hips buck and her body shake as I slowly increased the intensity was wild.
TJC: Have you connect with your virtual APs beyond the platforms and taken your online relationships to a personal level? If so, how did that happen? Was it fast, or did it develop over time as your interest in your vAP grew?
MS: Online affairs tend to be fairly fleeting; I sometimes feel that with some married women, once is enough online to scratch an itch. So they do something they consider really naughty without actually physically cheating. However, sometimes they get really intense and have to be stopped. I’ve had a few where the online relationship became a real problem because we wanted more but knew that due to living on different continents, that was impossible. Online can only satisfy so much; eventually, you want the real thing, and once you reach that stage, online just doesn’t cut it, so the relationship sort of reaches its limits.
That said, I’ve got a couple of ladies I would now consider actual friends, one in particular. What started off as an online affair gradually evolved into a close friendship. We got to the stage where despite speaking every day, we hadn’t done anything ‘sexy’ for ages. So we left the cheating behind and are now good friends. We even know each other’s real names, although that happened by accident. But we’ve grown very close, and because of the disinhibited nature of how our relationship started, we can share anything with each other, more than even with our ‘real life’ friends. We often make tentative plans to meet as friends, but it hasn’t happened yet as we both have a little voice at the back of our heads that reminds us how our friendship started, and neither of us can be 100% sure we wouldn’t be fucking in a cafe WC [washroom] within 5 minutes of saying hello.
In reading this I see a few themes that all affairs having in common from a woman’s perspective. Those have to do with being seen, heard, and lusted after. It’s easy in life to become a third-class citizen behind dear husband and kids as you support them in their lives. A sexual diversion is sometimes a good way to recover a sense of self and carve out a space that’s your own.
Having an affair can be like having a mini vacation from your daily routine. A place where you don’t need to think about anything other than your pleasure, and that of your lover. A place where everyone brings their A-game, just like being on an all-inclusive holiday. You know it’s not real, but you love it in the moment.
The advantage of pursuing vAPs is they are only a click away, you have vast choice, and you can explore safely from the comfort of your own home.
What you don’t get is the warm, soft, loving touch that comes with laying with someone who is 100% into you. There is a fundamental human need for touch that transcends sexual touching, and when it’s missing, we can come to crave it.
An online affair will never satisfy that need, but if you want someone to see you, they might just be the place to start.
Did you miss part one? Here it is!
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