How do you end a relationship, especially when unsure if you’ll get closure or things will simply disappear? Reddit’s r/adultery addressed this tightrope lately, and as you would expect, the cheaters there delivered the goods.
Affairs are like any other relationship when it comes to the breakup. Getting through a breakup can be hard under normal circumstances with your support network around you. Getting through it on your own while playing happy families makes it much worse. As a cheater, understanding this and helping each other get some closure can help with that.
Understanding Closure: Insights from Reddit
A heartfelt question posted on Reddit triggered a series of thoughtful responses, each sharing wisdom on ending an online affair and the pursuit of closure. Here’s the question —
I initiated NC [no contact]. I was heartbroken, not changing what I did, but heartbroken. Any attempt of closure between the two of us will probably end in more heartbreak/reopening the wound. But not saying a proper goodbye to someone important is also painful. Her and I are both slowly moving on. I plan on deleting almost everything from her. I found it’s not healthy for me to keep holding on to it. It’s also important to know I have a baby on the way, and when that baby is born, I’m not looking back. So I think if I’m going to do anything, now is the time. But I’m wondering, is it possible to get closure or just to say goodbye? Will any good come out of it? Or is it better to let things end the way that they did?
(Because of our jobs, I might run into her organically without reaching out)
The first response came from ‘waptex’ who advised,
“Saying a nice goodbye, letting the person know what they meant to you, but that you are saying goodbye, and need to cut all ties, is the best possible scenario.”
Echoing this sentiment, ‘Emo_62’ offered her own perspective, revealing,
“Someone I still care very deeply about never said goodbye to me, and to this day, I don’t know why I wasn’t significant enough for at least one word. Closure is everything.”
On the other hand, ‘throwaway_sea’ suggested a more self-reliant approach:
“Give yourself your own closure. Write a letter and keep it, or delete it, pour your heart out, and then end that chapter.”
The Art of Goodbye: One Perspective
One of the compelling aspects of the Reddit conversation was the raw, unfiltered perspectives of users who had lived through the complexity of an affair and faced the challenge of seeking closure.
User ‘honey_B’ shared her experience,
“When my ex-AP [affair partner] wanted to end things, we had an in-person goodbye. He granted me that despite the mental state he was in at the time. It was a sad, emotionally charged moment, but I’m glad we got the chance to tell each other how important we were to one another. If you’ve been together any amount of time, you should offer the in-person goodbye.”
This underlines the need for validation and acknowledgment. It is about being seen, heard, and valued, even when things are coming to an end. Saying goodbye doesn’t just mark the termination of a relationship; it validates the connection and offers a sense of completeness that helps move forward. Closure isn’t just about ending; it’s about ending with grace, dignity, and mutual respect.
This dignity provides healing, making the painful process of ending an affair a little less agonizing.
The Psychology of Ending an Affair: Understanding Closure
Closure is critical in healing after an emotional event. It allows people to let go of the past and move forward without the weight of unresolved emotions.
‘Emo_62’s’ experience resonates with the psychological understanding of closure, highlighting how crucial it is to alleviate ambiguity and uncertainty.
On the contrary, ‘throwaway_sea’s’ approach focuses on individual agency in the healing process. His method underlines that individuals can orchestrate their own closure, irrespective of the other person’s actions or responses.
Takeaway
Whether you’re navigating an affair or any relationship, remember that seeking closure is a personal journey. It’s necessary for healing and gives you the strength to move forward.
You might choose to say goodbye, write a letter, or seek closure within yourself. The crucial part is to recognize your need for it and take steps towards achieving it. As Reddit’s r/adultery reveals, closure, like every aspect of a relationship, is deeply personal and unique to each individual. Whether you’re ending an affair or starting one, understanding the nuances of closure can guide you on your journey.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023