My profile tells men not to message me. It tells them that THREE TIMES, so I’m always curious when men decide to ignore that and waste $5 on me. I am curious because I find they are either stupid or interesting. The average man tends to pass on by.
Ted — of course not his real name — was the interesting sort. As you can imagine, the interesting men are the ones I prefer. They often offer a unique perspective and ask intelligent questions.
As you will see, halfway through, I told Ted that I was planning to make our chat a story, because many of the things we discussed will be relevant to a lot of men just starting out on Ashley Madison.
My Boxing Day chat with Ted—
07:27 AM — Ted — I am NOT telling you how good I am in bed. I am NOT telling you why we are all here. I am NOT being snippy, argumentative or contradictory. I do NOT disagree with you and I like that you push back. You might very well got the thing I want, since I am looking for brains. I am unique and might try bringing my A-game but it would have to be in person. Body language is important to me. I like to look at my partner in the eyes when talking to her, or looking in her bra if she prefers, but not looking at a blank screen. I won’t push back and tell you who you are, since I do not know who you are yet: except that you copied your desires in your profile on mine, or vice-versa, so maybe I am a copycat. In any matter, I posted them before I read your profile. So, “old girl,” I hope you are as polite as I am by telling me if you want a further message from me or if one was enough! I am a real man, so I can take rejection with a grain of salt. You would be the first girl I would be on this site, and the only site by the way, so you have quite a length on me; care to show me the ropes? Hope you are still in the Xmas spirit on Boxing Day (not for a boxing match)… My name is Ted by the way.
07:46 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — Hey Ted — I also said don’t waste your credits on me! lol
10:32 AM — Ted — Thank you, I appreciate your answer.
10:33 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — I’m not looking right now, but still use this account for research and client work. Call me an affair concierge, but I help men connect with ladies and use this profile to check out their profiles.
10:34 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — You could call me the Adultery Faery, but I normally go by Your Faery Godmother of Adultery, lol
10:34 AM — Ted — Let me know more about your affair concierge…
10:35 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — I help men with their profiles, messaging, and chatting. One of the ladies I work with does telephone consulting as well. I don’t really use this profile to recruit clients tho. I probably should just hide it, lol
10:37 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — My name’s Teresa, and I’m in Canada, but most of my clients are in the US.
10:38 AM — Ted — I don’t think you should hide your profile Teresa, it makes fun messaging it and knowing how people (women) use this site and to what extent it is useful in their search. Men are mostly here for hook-ups I assume.
10:40 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — No, in my experience, men want ongoing situations as well. Most are happy to find one lady and hold on to her.
10:41 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — When it comes no non-emotional sex, the women tend to be better at it. Men try to put on a brave face, but you show them a little boob and they go ga-ga
10:42 AM — Ted — I am glad to know that, it is interesting to have a lady’s opinion since I do not see other men’s profile.
10:42 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — You might find that strange, but women typically aren’t looking for an emotional attachment here.
10:43 AM — Ted — I do not find that strange at all, at least from what I can read between lines in their profiles. Most seem to have an emotional attachment at home, although it might not fully satisfy them, but they do not want to change their situation: stability is an important factor for most women.
10:45 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — That’s more or less it. They’re often just missing the physicality or variety. They’re either negliected or bored, and want a little excitement in their lives.
10:46 AM — Ted — It is also interesting to read the difference between profiles and desires from women younger than 40 years old and the older generation. I am not talking about the 18–25 years old who attempt to sell their benefits on this site, but the others. There is a neat difference in their approach.
10:49 AM — Ted — I should have said “clear” difference rather than neat…
10:50 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — I’ve read thousands of profiles from both men and women, and what I’m finding is the younger women are less likely to put up with a bad sexlife than women who are now in their 40s and up. What do you see as the main difference?
10:51 AM — Ted — You have put your finger on it: women in their 40s seem to be less forward than the younger one. As if they were just browsing and hoping to be convinced by a “good” man that they should expand their horizon and move away, occasionally, from vanilla sex. While the younger ones are more direct and take charge of their desires…
10:55 AM — Ted — When people start a conversation with “frankly, honestly or to tell you the truth” you know they are not really going to be that frank… the same goes with introductory phrases like “I am not here to change my situation or yours” it makes me query as to why start they approach with this opening remark…
10:57 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — You’ll often see older women (50+) who become more clear in their desires and expectations. Those women tend to have been around and had past affairs, and know that not being more specific can end up being a waste of their time. Perhaps its an evolution, but wasting time on a guy who turns out to be a dud.
10:57 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — The changing situation thing is a cliche, but what it really means is — I want sex, not the love of my life — and it is a genuine, but shop worn expression.
10:58 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — Women want to set out boundries early and that’s one way they start doing it.
10:59 AM — Ted — I see. It is interesting to read your opinion on the matter. You seem well versed in this area. I like all women mind you but I am more attracted to women who can hold a conversation on many topics. Brains are attractive to me. It is difficult to decipher who they are in one liner introductions.
11:02 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — On this site, and with many dating sites, women only need open a profile to find someone. It’s easy for women to find sex, so they don’t need to put the effort into a profile to attract male attention. The lack of info can act as a screening tool, because they’ll wait and see what the men say. 3/5 will say “hi” or “hello” and that’s it. Doing so takes them out of the race. in general, I tell my clients they are generally only competing with one other male when I support them.
11:04 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — The best approach is to tell the woman with a blank or empty profile what you’re looking for. Don’t take her lack of info as a sign of something lacking in her.
11:05 AM — Ted — I have been trying to change my introductory line for: “I am rather selective in my choice of sexual partners: I prefer a woman who feels good in her skin but would like to experience sex at a higher level. Her sexual and emotional pleasure will always be top priority.” Unfortunately, AM will not let me do it for some reason…
11:07 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — Are you talking about in your profile? They try to keep it clean. My advice isn’t to talk about sex though. When a man tells me about next level sex what I read is someone trying to convince himself he can do that — over-promise and under-deliever is a huge tell when it’s stated off the top.
11:10 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — Also consider that we’re all here looking for sex, so there’s no need to mention it. Your job is to convince her to have sex with you. Getting sex is easy, but screening out the losers takes some work. My other rule of thumb is if he talks about oral and his skills, he’s either got a plumbing problem or is afraid of going down on her. Oral is expected here, so again, no need to mention it.
11:12 AM — Ted — Thanks Teresa, I was not attempting to get free advice but I am glad you offered it.
11:13 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — Ha
11:17 AM — Ted — While I have your ear, what about the age difference. While I feel young and energetic, and I am, I am older than most of the women on this site. How should i approach that.
11:17 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — It’s not free, I’m going to take this convo and turn it into a blog article :-)
11:17 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — Don’t worry, I won’t use anything to ID you.
11:18 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — Not even your city
11:18 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — What do you do for fitness?
11:18 AM — Ted — For some reason I was not concern about you ID me. I must be trustful but I usually have good instinct.
11:19 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — The other thing I’d recommend is that you get a pic up with a nice styled haircut. You’re looking a little haggarded.
11:19 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — That’s why I’m Your Faery Godmother of Adultery ❤
11:20 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — If you do something regularly for fitness that isn’t a sweaty gym pic, I’d recommend putting that up too.
11:20 AM — Ted — I do a lot of walking, I live on the waterfront and close to a boardwalk where you can walk, run and bike. I also play golf most days in summer, and skis in the winter.
11:22 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — Do you have a pic of you doing any of those things? Not a selfie, but more like an action shot someone else took.
11:22 AM — Ted — I don’t go to a gym, but should be able to get a shot or two action pics.
11:23 AM — Ted — I do a lot of boating and fly my own plane, but this does not demand a lot of exercise, quite the contrary.
11:24 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — A golf pic or skiing might be good. Pics doing that would also be good to show your adventurous side. Women your age tend to be looking for younger men because the chances of them having plubming problems are lower. Not much younger though, so that’s a bit of an uphill fight for you.
11:25 AM — Ted — Plumbing problems are not an issue, at least not yet; the contrary is more like it. My libido is asking for more ways of expressing itself…
11:27 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — That’s a positive sign. Women hate nothing more than being sold a false bill of goods.
11:32 AM — Ted — This I could understand.
11:32 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — What your job is, is to convince her of that but not talking about it. One thing that happens here is the men act like horny teens and go to sexy talk straight off. Some do it before saying hello by asking for pics, etc.
11:33 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — Those guys take themselves out of the race faster because there is only a very small segment of women looking for that.
11:34 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — Also, never send pics. I always cringe when a guy does that because I can’t tell you how many cocks I’ve seen, and I usually don’t look at them anymore. I looked at yours because you seem a little more mature than most, so expected it LESS — but I still expected it, lol
11:37 AM — Ted — Well, I hope you are not TOO disappointed that I did not put my cock forward!!! I am here for sex of course, but I am really attracted to women with brains. Sex I can get any day… escorts would love to get my money, it is not my interest here.
11:40 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — You’ll find that there are a lot of professional single women here who are looking for what they call a “boyfriend experience” which is basically — sex, then you go away. Not that they are unkind or anything, but what they enjoy is their life as it is, and just want to add some sex to the mix.
11:42 AM — Ted — I realize that I am not the “ideal” profile for this site. I am not looking to get crumbs either after all other studs had their stay, but still would like to be considered one way or another by selected women.
11:45 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — You’d be surprised what some women consider studs. Most are looking for a quality guy who’s good in bed and who won’t screw up their lives. When I consult for clients that’s the appraoch I take and they usually find someone wihtin 30 days of contacting me.
11:51 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — And most of my clients are “hard to place” sorts of guys, and have tried and failed on their own first, so know how hard it can be.
11:52 AM — Ted — Interesting comment. I consider myself a quality lover, although I might be biased??? What would be your fees to take me under your wing? And would you consider adding me to your stable?
11:56 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — How’s your heart?
11:57 AM — Ted — I will know after you shock me!!!
11:58 AM — 🧚🏻♀️ — I do a few different things, as you’d expect, and I have guides I’ve written, so basically, anything from $70 USD (profile rewrite/edit) to me taking over your profile and messaing and chatting on your behalf for $800 USD.
12:01 PM — 🧚🏻♀️ — The reason I actually chatted with you and anyone who messages me is because I’m always curious about a man who will read three times that I don’t want him to message, but does it anyway, lol
12:02 PM — 🧚🏻♀️ — More often than not they are either dumb, or interesting. The average men don’t bother ❤
12:02 PM — 🧚🏻♀️ — I have to go get cleaned up, but will be back later. Again, I’m not here to find clients, so don’t think that’s what I’m doing. My advice is actually pretty simple when you think about it, but it takes some men a lot of time to figure out that being nice works better than being an asshole (although that sometimes works).
12:06 PM — Ted — I might have been dumb to begin with… but I thought you had a different approach that would be attractive to a man like me. Notice the singular form of “man.” I am also unique as you should know. Talk to you later!
27 December 2022
12:05 AM — Ted — I have joined Your Faery Godmother of Adultery [on Substack]… I find it interesting. Earlier in our conversation today, you said “I’m always curious about a man who will read three times that I don’t want him to message, but does it anyway, lol” Let me tell you what my thought process was. I looked at your profile once and it said, plainly: “Don’t waste your credits on me.” Since I always respect what others want or desire, at first reading I did not go further and went my way. I came back to it because, on second thought, it made no sense to write “Pass me on” and then to almost write your life story in a perfect English without errors or typos: I was intrigued by that approach from an obviously educated person and had to think about it for a while. When I went back, I realized that you precisely wanted to hear from people, this is when I decided to write to you without bothering to comment about your opening statement…
1:47 PM — 🧚🏻♀️ — I had actually written most of the profile first, and then added “don’t message” after the fact, without taking the rest down. I left it up to give men a sense of the sorts of things they shouldn’t do with any woman. But thinking about it now, I can see how your thought process went :-)
What I also did for Ted
Because I know where Ted lives, I was also able to mention him to a lady I know who lives in the area, who might be looking. She’s still looking, so I broached the subject with Ted as well, and well see where it goes. Why did I do that?
Well, I don’t just call myself Your Faery Godmother of Adultery 🧚🏻♀️, I am your Faery Godmother of Adultery, and I’m here to help people find what they’re looking for. Will it work out between them? I don’t know, but it’s a start.
Takeaway
This one is simple — send the message. You might not get what you expect, but you won’t get anything if you don’t.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2022