Who am I kidding? I love toying with these assholes. But only for educational purpose! Your Faery Godmother of Adultery🧚🏻‍♀️ is only here to show those willing to learn, how not to communicate on dating sites if you’re trying to get laid.
The convo
Mr. Man — Your honesty is hilarious. I thoroughly enjoy the read. Especially the “There are dozens of you, so if you think you’ll get my thing without bringing your A-game, you’re wrong. “
Mr. Man — thanks for posting… lol
Your Faery Godmother (YFGM) — I am pretty funny.
Mr. Man — And so humble
YFGM — Not my thing.
Mr. Man — Hey SuzieQ… You’re a straight shooter. I’m a straight shot. In between the boring work task, i’m still analyzing your profile. I’m tip toeing around your “thing” and the “pro tips” (lol). I’ve got questions.
Here’s what he had questions about
NOTICE TO MEN — What doesn’t work. Telling me how good you are in bed in your first message. Telling me why we are all here. Being snippy, argumentative, or contradictory. You might disagree with me or not like that I push back, but the reality is, I’ve got the thing you want. There are dozens of you, so if you think you’ll get my thing without bringing your A-game, you’re wrong.
Be polite because I will test you. Don’t push back. And don’t tell me who I am or what I want, because you will immediately become someone I don’t want.
I want nice messages that are well written — not copy and paste jobs. I want them to be based on my profile and appeal to my brain. Pro tip — anyone who talks about how good they are up front usually isn’t. Trust me, I’ve been with a dozen or more of you over the last three years, because sorry to break it to you — I’m not the new girl.
I put this up on my profile to help the men wanting to chat with me or any other woman to get started. It’s a little to the point, but I find clarity is sometimes called for in these situations.
These were his questions
He numbered them just like this too, which I liked, because it was easier to write this article.
1. Your title says “Meet the new girl” BUT within your profile you say “I’m not the new girl” (in my Samuel Jackson voice to Ryan Reynolds…. What happen to the “no contradiction” rule? I’m just asking for a friend. lol
Editorial Note — The rule’s for you, asshole, not me.
2. “If i shoot you a wink, that’s my way of saying waste your credits on me” aka Telling the Men what to do (lmao). Is it a waste of credits to attempt to start a conversation with you?
Editorial Note — I guess this dipshit would rather just waste his credits on than get an invitation. His choice.
3. “I’ve got the thing that you want” BUT here you are looking for THE THINGS (lol… I think i just broke the “Don’t tell me what i want”
Editorial Note — Yup, you just broke that rule. What this douche doesn’t get is while I’m looking for cock, he needs to convince me I’m looking for his cock. And he’s not doing that.
4. “NOTICE TO MEN” (in caps). Are you seeking fun with women also?
Editorial Note — Yeah, caps — nothing gets past you, does it Columbo?
5. “Bring your A Game” and “I will test you” (lol… sorry). BTW, I did not copy and paste. I did type the quotes.
Editorial Note — Yawn.
6. “Don’t push back” aka stfu and do what i say.
Editorial Note — I think he got this one wrong. It goes with “I will test you” and I’m actually giving away the test answer here. The test is an asshole check. Assholes always push back and surprise!
I’m not looking for an asshole.
7. “I want nice messages that are well written….. based on my profile and appeal to my brain” I know that you didn’t give me the wink and all. I’m in my polite tone. I’m just curious about your profile. Who are you looking for? What’s your “thing”? I’m just some curious person here to observe and learn for the moment. This is also way more interesting than my Monday morning work at the moment.
Editorial Note — My thing? My pussy you fucking idiot.
I responded thusly
YFGM — I think my profile’s pretty clear, isn’t it?
And yeah, pretty much STFU. But more importantly, understand that I’m testing you to see if you are a safe person who can take hit and stay in the game.
There are scammers, narcissist, and rapists on here. My guess is they, like you, don’t have the patience to stick around and be toyed with. And if you can’t stick around and be toyed with, you won’t pass my safe person test. My notice to men is to make it clear. Whether or not I’m looking for women, that section is clearly for men, don’t you think?
Anyway — everything you wrote just tells me you’re not the guy for me. And I’ll also say, that if you drop a comment like the above on another women, don’t expect her to be interested. So go back, read my shit, and then apply it to a woman without being a condescending cunt and you just might get a date.
If you reply, I’ll block you. I haven’t blocked you because I want you to read this.
Happy hunting.
Mr. Man — Lmao…. To be clear, I wasn’t looking for anything from you or your so called magical 45 year old unicorn p*ssy.
Editorial Note — There’s a relief, but it is pretty magical.
I only asked about your profile. I do agree with one thing you said…. There certainly are irrational narcissist out here who will deflect and blame others for their short comings and lack of reason and accountability… and who will make accusations and meaningless threats while thinking they are God’s gift based on having used up McDonald’s style drive thru female anatomy.
Editorial Note — An indignant start and slut-shaming finish.
Would you like fries with that?
I wanted you to know that I read it and that my life will not be worth living because you’ve blocked me…. I beg you, don’t kill me with the block.
Editorial Note — Shrug.
I’m not really sure what this guy’s game was, and frankly, I don’t care. If you want to dick around with silly word games instead of playing capture the flag, that’s up to you. This is a really stupid way to attract a girl — even one who wants sex.
I don’t know if he was trying to bait me, or be clever, but all he did was piss me off. If any of you routinely do this to women on dating sited, you’ll probably need to start masturbating with your other hand if you want some strange.
I want sex, but if you do what he did, I sure as fuck won’t want it with you.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2021