Some people just don’t get it. Sure, online dating is tough, and married online dating is even tougher, but like anything tough, you need a positive attitude to survive the rough patches.
In an environment were you probably aren’t going to get a response, you shouldn’t expect one!
When I stumbled across this message in Reddit’s r/adultery, I was surprised such an unaware dipshit would even make this post —
Is it wrong to expect a reply when you respond directly to an ad? I’m not talking a one word or copy paste reply, but a legit “I read your ad and find you interesting” reply? I reply to everyone. Especially if they put the effort in. I know as a guy I’m not getting the volume ladies get. But c’mon. I’m seeing new ads from people I responded to. And I’m getting crickets. I know I am not going to be what everyone wants (shockingly)😉 But damn — say so or whatever and keep looking. I think it is common decency to acknowledge another person’s genuine effort in reaching out. This shit is hard enough as it is. Be nice to one another. /rant
What didn’t surprise me were the Redditors’ responses—
Why exactly do I owe a response to the hundreds of men who don’t even have the common decency to skip my ad when they don’t match my criteria? I’m supposed to thank them for clogging up my inbox and making it that much more difficult for me to find the ones who do? Is this the result of a generation where everyone gets a participation certificate?
I love that last bit about participation. Seriously, you send me two lines of text and expect me to reply? What am I going to say?
“Thank you, kind sir, your words were beautiful! Would you like to fuck?”
Eh, no.
Well obviously it’s the woman’s fault because he took the time to write her a message hE dEsErVeS a ReSpOnSe 🙄
Of course, it is the woman’s fault!! I loved the naked sarcasm.
I’m a guy, and when I’ve posted I don’t even reply to every woman that responds. So no, you aren’t owed a response from anyone.
What heresy is this? You don’t reply to all the women who write you? Where’s your common decency, sir?
As a woman who’s posted before, we get anywhere from 75–200+ responses on average. The process is exhausting enough and I certainly do not have enough time or energy to respond to every single one. I’d say my response rate is about 10%. Someone who fits what I’m looking for and/or is witty will get a response. Many men think they are the exception — not the case.
The practicality of responding is a big part of it. There are just too many sometimes, but the underlying point is, even if there was one, she’s not going to respond if you don’t fit the bill.
If you ain’t it, you ain’t it.
Usually it’s simply — “did not meet stated criteria, but decided to ‘shoot his shot’ anyway”
My Ashley Madison profile straight up tells men to not waste their credits on me because I’m not looking right now, but they keep trying. And you know what? Good for them, because if you don’t try, you won’t win, but don’t be a bitch when I shoot you down.
Yes you are wrong to expect a reply. That was easy.
It is easy.
I highly recommend you create a female profile and spend a day in their shoes. You’ll learn a lot.
I have had both a man’s and woman’s account on Ashley Madison for research purposes and they are different worlds. But, you don’t need to make a girl’s account to know you aren’t owed a reply.
God, you sound like an incel. Alternate theory — your messages are shit. Did you ever consider that?
I absolutely loved, loved, loved, this response! Mostly because I wrote it. If your message is shit, I’ll never know if you were the love of my life. Why?
The love of my life must be able to write an interesting three sentence paragraph.
Not one comment of the nearly 100 agreed with him. Not one. As a result of the backlash he waved a white flag and added this—
EDIT: Okay. I hear your response and believe I will rethink my pov on responses or lack there of. Clearly there are different realities between the sexes and I apologize making assumptions of what was decent or not. Also sorry for coming across as entitled. Another lesson I learned I guess is to take a breath before you feel the need to rant. Peace
I get it dude, you thought you’d be drowning in pussy juice. You thought your message was the golden ticket to Pound Town. And one day, one might be, but don’t blame women who don’t respond, because —
You aren’t entitled to a response!
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2021