Do you ever feel like you’re drowning in a sea of guilt? Like the weight of a secret affair is pressing down on your chest, threatening to steal your breath away? The pressure’s intense; let’s face it, we all have those moments when we contemplate surrendering to the depths.
I experience guilt sometimes, but it's usually fleeting, but last year I had a week where I could bearly function because of it. My lover thought we were finished; at times that week, so did I. The emotional pain was immense. It felt like it would carry me away.
As I worked through it alone, I kept telling myself it would end.
But there’s good news: you can learn to swim.
First stop on the journey — Facing the Music
That’s right, accept the fact that you’re a cheating whore. It may sound brutal, but if you’re running from guilt, the first step is to stop, turn around, and stare it down. This isn’t about adding more weight to your guilt-ridden shoulders but about accepting reality, recognizing what you are, and learning to live with it.
Next up — The Great Why
Explore the reasons that led you down this winding road. This isn’t a self-pity party but a voyage of discovery and self-acceptance. Sometimes you just need to accept where you are, and push through. Each one of us has a unique story, pressures, and situations that may have nudged us off track. Spending some alone time reflecting illuminates these hidden motivations and can act as a compass for the journey through the pain.
Third stage — Emotional Fitness
After such an emotional marathon, you need to build your resilience. Being on this solitary road of recovery post-episodic guilt, you need safe spaces to express and handle your tsunami of emotions. Yoga, sports, writing, crying in the shower, or even walking the pup could be your lifeboat, offering you the peace and balance needed to regain your footing.
Final stretch — Call in the Experts
Remember, seeking professional help isn’t a sign of defeat. Quite the contrary, it’s a courageous step forward. When you’re ready to share your burden, talking to a specialist could help you tackle any leftover doubts or issues, offering a more comprehensive healing process and drawing the curtain on this chapter.
Lastly — Shut the F*%k Up
You don’t confess or come clean. You don’t need to tell anyone. Doing that will only hurt them and blow up your life. You can’t unfuck someone, so live with it. That’s why I tell my clients they might regret the affair one day, but never regret the sex.
Takeaway
Dealing with infidelity guilt, especially solo, is a challenging hike up a steep mountain. But you can journey through this emotional wilderness without leaning on family or friends by facing your motivations, adopting, and eventually considering professional advice. Remember, each recovery narrative is unique, but sincerity and self-reflection are your trusty guides.
No matter how towering the mountain may seem initially, believe that the summit is attainable. Good luck! And remember to give yourself ample time to heal and be honest throughout — these are your keys to unlocking any doors life may have shut.
As for me? I got over it, as I knew I would. I’ve never crawled through a darker tunnel. Was it enough to stop cheating? It wasn’t. I’ll never return to that lonely sexless decade again, guilt be damned.
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This story was written with the assistance of Openai.com’s Chat GPT4. Your girl isn’t letting ai do her work, but she is letting it help as she explores ;-)
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023