The Meet
You’ll have noticed by now that your profile has attracted a lot of attention if you’re a woman. After the 87th message, you’ve stopped reading.
Men won’t have this problem. They will be lucky if 1 out of the 29 women they message, responded.
Finally a possibility!
You’ve hit it off and moved off the platform to Kik. Paying attention! Anonymous apps and adultery go hand in hand. See below.
You may or may not have sexted, but you’re definitely interested…so far. The next natural step is a face to face meeting. Anyone can be anyone on the internet, but it’s harder to pretend in person. Our real selves can’t stay hidden.
Remember this.
Not to scare you, but up until now, everything has been make-believe. The first in-person meeting is the most dangerous for both men and women. This is where a scam or sexual assault can happen. Know that, and while the odds are pretty low, it only needs to happen once.
To Make It Less Dangerous:
- No Sex. Do not plan for or discuss having sex on your first meet. This will set up expectations you may not be able to live up to once you see him and if you are meeting in a hotel room, it may be very hard to get out of.
- Meet in Public. A place like a downmarket hotel restaurant, or a restaurant like hooters, where none of your friends would go. Not so much a dive, but the sort of chain you’d never go for dinner. Or a generic coffee place that is out of your area.
- Tell a Friend. Have a backup buddy. Text a girlfriend (who knows your extracurriculars) the place you are meeting, the guys name, and any/all information you have. Set up a follow up text if all is going well and an emergency word for if it looks like it’s going south.
- Hotel restaurant. A hotel works well because your car will blend in easily. Do NOT let him assume you are heading to hotel room afterward. “Why don’t we cut the small talk and go upstairs?” “Let’s save that for when we know each other better.”
- Do not reveal your car make and model. Do not tell them what sort of car you’re driving so they can locate it in the lot and park near it or disable it. “What are you driving?” “Oh, a SUV.”
- Location Changes. Do not agree to go anywhere else at the last minute. Last minute changes could be their way to steer you into a place they are more comfortable with. “This place is crowded, want to try somewhere else?” “No thanks, I’ll wait.”
- Area Recon. Arrive early and have a look around if you aren’t familiar with the neighborhood in case you have to leave in a hurry.
- Parking. Park near the entrance. You don’t want to get cornered in a dark parking lot. Look at all exits and entrances.
- Action on Scammer. If it’s a scam, as in you expect a woman to show up and it’s a man trying to blackmail you, walk away.
- Spidey Senses. Trust your gut! If you get a creepy feeling, don’t leave. Think about getting help from the hotel or restaurant staff. They are used to dealing with situations discreetly. Ask for someone to walk you to your car.
- Take Your Own Car. Do not ride with them in their car if you do choose to change locations. If you decline and they start saying things like, “you can trust me, nothing’s going to happen,” or things like that, they can’t be trusted. A reasonable person won’t be offended and will understand why you want to drive yourself.
- DO NOT GET INTO THEIR CAR. Seriously. Never ride with them in their car anywhere. Never. Get to know them first.
- The Long Way Home. Do not go directly home and make sure you’re not being followed.
Don’t Worry, But Be Prepared
These tips are easy to follow. Make them a habit. They won’t remove risk, but what they will do is reduce it enough to give you the chance to avoid a bad situation.
Men are also assaulted in first meeting scenarios, so don’t believe for a second this is a woman’s problem. If the pussy seems too easy, and you really aren’t that sexy, there’s a catch. It’s probably a scam, but it could be worse.
And MEN, NEVER SEND HER MONEY BEFORE MEETING HER. It’s a scam.
Adultery is a risk in more ways than one. Be careful out there.
If you want to know what a first date can look like, see Monalisa’s detailed notes on the men she’s met and how it went. You do not have to jump in bed with the first man or woman you meet just because they bought you coffee —
Here’s my very first ‘first contact’ story —
Kik is made for cheating. Anonymous app with no telephone required. User names. Automatic deletion when you log out. This is how you set up a meet.
When you meet them, you should be thinking about this. Getting a little on the side shouldn’t destroy your life —
And this is someone you don’t want to meet. If he can’t be cool during the chat he won’t be cool during you affair —
Want to learn more? Check out my book, How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress —
Back toLesson Five— The Official Potential Affair Partner Application
Next up, Lesson Seven — Making Your First Sex Date Memorable For the Right Reasons.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2022