Photo by Zane Lee on Unsplash

Have you had to end it with your affair partner? With anyone? No matter what end you’re on, it hurts. Long-distance virtual affairs could be dismissed as less “real” than their physical ones, but the feels are just as genuine.

This story struck me because it was a man pouring out his feelings. It was refreshing to see a man express his emotions like this. I want to let other men know it’s ok to let your feelings out through your eyes in the form of tears.

Crying doesn’t mean anything and it’s time we acknowledge that.

The Original Post from RespOk45

I’ve included the whole thing because I thought it was a powerful opener that I thought my guys should see. Here’s what he wrote —

I know it’s wrong in every way, but I’ve been having an online relationship with a LDAP from the US, which ended suddenly yesterday 😔 It was my choice, due to lying and unfair behaviour on her part, but I’m feeling completely heartbroken and lost right now. I’ve lost my lover and my best friend, leaving this numb empty shell and a huge hole in my life that feels impossible to fill right now.

I’ll miss our morning and goodnight messages (and everything in between), our almost daily phone calls, the way she made me laugh and smile, the cute little selfies she’d send me, her funny impressions of my British accent — you get the idea.

Sexting wasn’t just sexting with her either. It was intimate and passionate, it actually felt like we were there together in the room making love. When I kissed her, my body reacted as if I was doing so, feeling every emotion and tingle as if my lips were caressing hers 😔
No matter how much someone hurts you or makes you angry, it’s so hard to forget the good times and turn off that love you hold so deeply for them 🥺😭

I want to curl up and cry right now, but I have to stay strong for my family and pretend I’m not falling apart inside and feeling abandoned. I don’t know what I’m looking for here, I’m just venting and I guess it would be nice to get some advice on how to deal with this, and maybe a bit of support/experiences from others who have been through the same.

Can you feel it? The raw emotion. My heart went out to this poor man. He was in deep and hurting badly.

The Grieving Process

With heartbreak comes grief. Grieving the end of a relationship is a journey filled with ups and downs, and everyone has their own way of coping. Here’s what some folks had to say:

“One day at a time. Some days, one hour. It hurts like hell for a long time, but eventually, the squeeze on your heart will lessen. The worst part is having to grieve in silence as you put on the family face. Hugs!!!” — RegAngle

“It’s like a storm inside, and sometimes you just need to let it rain.” — AnonReddr

Grieving in silence is a killer. Here’s how the OP responded —

“Thank you for this 🫶🏻 I’ve got through my fair share of grief before, but never dealing with a relationship like this 😔 the grieving in silence is torture, but I guess I deserve that for what I’ve done to my family 😮‍💨” — RespOk45

I think trying not to grieve a loss only makes it stick around for longer, so let it out! It will help you get over it.

For the record, I love a man who uses emojis. If you get my newsletter or chat with me, you know I, too, indulge the emojis ❤️

Forgiveness and Trust

Trust is a fragile thing, isn’t it? Online trust is that much more. You only know what they tell you, and if it’s a lie, it’s harder to keep track of the BS you spin. I’m not anti-lying in an affair, but just know that once you start, it’s hard to recover from — aside from the little story we tell at the start to keep them off our trail if they turn into a psycho.

Some spoke about forgiveness and trust. Can you truly forgive someone after betrayal? And how many chances are too many?

“Maybe you can forgive her . . .” — LilSpoonSeeker

“Trust once broken is hard to mend. But sometimes, it’s the only way to heal.” — PseudoUser02

But the OP had been down that road. I don’t know, though, maybe a little cognitive dissonance on OP’s part could have helped. Maybe don’t pay too much attention to the story and let the virtual AP live their fantasy life too? I don’t have the details, of course, but you really can’t expect too much from cheaters. I’m not judging him, but just suggesting another way. Here’s what he said —

“Not this time, unfortunately 😔 I’ve already forgiven too many times, and I can’t trust or respect someone who withholds things and lies to me like she did. She only told me what she was doing, because I caught her out and didn’t give her a chance to make any bs excuses.” — RespOk45

Coping Mechanisms

Heartbreak is tough, and finding ways to cope can be even tougher. How do you cope alone with the pain when you can’t openly express it? I’ve done it and I have to say that it really sucks.

“A breakup is a breakup, and doing it alone can be painful. If you want to take your time to grieve, pretend to have eaten something that’s put you off, and take a day. Use it to mask letting the feelings out. Just be kind to yourself and take your time getting over her.” — Teresa-J-Conway

Awe, that Teresa sure is a sweet lady, isn’t she? But yeah, pretending you’re sick will get you the alone time to cry into your pillow and curl up under a blanket.

“Sometimes, a good cry and a day off is all you need.” — RandomUser3

I couldn’t agree more, but as you know, your girl is a master at the cover story. You always need a cover story; otherwise, people will start asking questions you might not be prepared for. Be Prepared!!!!

Girl Guides Canada taught me that ;-)

Takeaways

Relationships, whether online or off, come with their own set of challenges. It’s essential to remember that every emotion you feel is valid, and it’s ok to seek support when needed, even if it’s with a bunch of filthy anonymous cheaters on r/Adultery. So remember kids —

  • Emotions are Universal: Whether it’s a virtual or physical relationship, the emotions are real. It’s essential to acknowledge them and allow yourself to grieve.
  • Open Up Where You Can: Sharing feelings, especially for men, is crucial. It not only helps in healing but also breaks the stereotype that men shouldn’t express emotions. It also helps you live longer because the stress hard on the arteries.

Thanks for stopping in ❤

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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023