A successful businessman looking for a new friend on Ashley Madison asked for my help this fall, and this is how it went.
His issue was he had trouble connecting with women because they weren’t returning his messages. He and his wife had decided to open their marriage, and while she likely wasn’t having much trouble finding a man, he wasn’t having any luck.
That’s when he got in touch and asked if I could help. He found my profile review service online and paid $199.99, to get started.
After reviewing his profile write-up, I had a look at the messages he sent to the ladies to see where he was at. It didn’t take long to spot the problem. His messages were short, didn’t say anything of interest, and while he’d shown he’d read their profiles, he seemed to be picking up on the wrong vibe she was sending.
To do my review, he gave me access to his AM profile, which made it much easier to organize his account.
Ashley Madison’s search tool works well
When selecting a sexual partner, it makes sense to match individual tastes with potential affair partners because otherwise, you’re wasting everyone’s time.
Physical preferences and status
The next thing I did was find out what sort of lady he was looking for. I wanted to set his filters to return the types of women he was looking for. He liked slim or fit, white or Hispanic ladies under 5’10’ whose height to weight ratio was nicely proportioned — this requires their pics.
Some women might not like this meat market approach. As a realist, I need to be sexually attracted before I drop my panties, and because they aren’t going to be my forever man, they need to bring what I want to the table. I’ve never done charity fucks, and I don’t plan on starting anytime soon, so why should the men?
Age range and search area
To set his search range, I had to know how far he was willing to travel. Because I wasn’t familiar with his area, I opened Google Maps to see where the women said they were from. For me, traveling 30 mins to a date is reasonable. While, you might drive further for a first meet, an hour’s drive both ways will cut into the sexy times if you meet more often.
ZIPs and demographics are important
The other thing we talked about was where the women were from. Google Maps helped with that too. My client was a wealthy professional looking for women on an equal footing. He wanted them to have the education and professional background to match his lifestyle. That would make conversing and connections easier — messaging, and before and after sex with a person who isn’t a good intellectual fit are painful.
ZIPs with higher-income households were more likely to have higher concentrations of the women he was looking for. As I searched, I kept that in mind as I reviewed the locations in their profiles. My client also advised about areas where he didn’t want to meet women from, and once I began understanding the region better, it was easier to filter those women out.
Active site users
There are three options, but I like looking for women who’ve been on the site in the last 48 hours. Of the three options, ‘Anytime’ is the worst choice because you will be served profiles that could have been inactive for months or more. The last 24 hours is too narrow because some women don’t or can’t visit the site daily.
New Member’s Only
I like searching for new members only because the best time to engage a woman on AM is within the first few days she’s on the site. There are several reasons for this, but it’s mainly because the longer they are on the site, the more experienced they become.
When they figure out what they’re looking for, they become less interested in the constant barrage of messages from men who don’t fit their advertised preferences. They’ll also have a few dates under their belt and be much better at spotting the flakes and players.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t message more experienced women. It just means you need to fit their criteria perfectly if you want a chance. For example, my site clearly states — no men under 40, yet they waste their credits by messaging all the time.
I never recommend sending more than two messages to a lady — the first, and then a follow up. More than that and you’re stalking her.
Seriously, if two messages didn’t do it, how TF will five?
Selecting ladies to message
Once our search started returning the women my client was looking for, I began looking for ones to message. If she didn’t fit despite meeting the search criteria, I blocked her.
I didn’t want to keep seeing her or have the client think she was what he was looking for. I also blocked women who messaged, ‘winked,’ or ‘favorited’ my client if they didn’t fit.
I’d thought about letting them off gently, but the reality is they’ve got plenty of cocks to choose from, they weren’t getting my client’s anyway, so it saved time. My client expressed concern about not knowing how to disengage from the women he had talked to. I told him not to worry, I’ll take care of it — with a no explanation block.
What remained was the handful of new women I’d consider messaging for my client.
My Opening Message
Before drafting the message, I thoroughly reviewed her profile, looking for something I thought would trigger a response. Every profile has something that can be leveraged, no matter how small. Here are three opening messages that got responses for my client –
Reading the messages, you can see that these women had written a decent profile. I find the ones that do respond better to a longer message. The ones who don’t write much are wild cards, so the response rates are skewed a little. The ones without a write-up also tend to flake or disappear, so aren’t worth wasting credits on.
If pics were exchanged after the first message and they weren’t what my client was looking for, I’d also block them.
Takeaway
Once the conversation was started, I left it to him to carry them on. Overall, my messages increase the response rate to about 40%. The key is good solid opening messages to all the women who fit your criteria. I recommend that if you expect to meet one, you need to chat with three at any one time.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023