Married dating can be tricky because if anything goes sideways, you might not get help with it and keep your primary relationship. And that’s the aim, right? What’s the point of all the secrecy if you don’t care about your marriage?
My screening process begins with the opening message. The first thing I do is ignore anyone who says “hi.” Sure, they might be fine, but I probably won’t want to chat with them if that's all they can think of.
Q 1 — Will he bore me?
Let me blow my own horn for a sec — I’m probably a little smarter than the average bear. I never blow my own horn because it embarrasses me. And don’t really have to because when people see my work, they usually return for kick-ass Teresa advice. The advice I give away for free with no conditions or expectations because I know why they ask — they don’t want my advice, they want to validate what they’re thinking.
People tell me I’m smart, but I think I’m dumb. I do many dumb things daily thanks to the ADHD that cohabits my brain space. You'd be shocked by how bad it can get when shit gets away from me. If you’ve experienced my anger, you probably wouldn’t like me very much.
I also read a metric shit tonne of stuff every day, from developments in AI to the environment and what Chairman Xi doing in China to fuck the world around (it’s my pet country). And about politics — global, regional, national, and local. I read for at least two hours daily.
When I’m not reading, I watch those Facebook Tic Tok vids of babies doing the sweetest little things. Of course, I don’t have Tic Tok, because — China. What might surprise you is I never read much about sex.
How do I tell? He constantly wants to shift the convo to sex as he tells me how amazing I am. I am pretty amazing. Sure, he’ll play along for a bit as I lead him by the nose for fun, but once he realizes no vagina is on offer, I set him free like Leonardo di Caprio was in Titanic.
Why? An affair is texting that’s occasionally punctuated by sexytimes. I can’t survive on “hey” for two weeks.
Please do anything, but bore me, baby.
Q2 — Is he a loser?
I really don’t want to date what I have at home, and I’m not calling my husband boring or a loser, but he doesn’t always bring his A-game. In fact, he never brings his A-game anymore. So when I date someone, I want him to light me on fire. I want A-game all the time. I want James Bond, not Homer Simpson. I know you’re Homer Simpson at home. I don’t care about your home life.
When you’re with me, your job is to flatter me with lies.
Q 3 — Will he scam me?
Is he looking to scam me somehow? I’m not a lonely or romantic woman, so it’s unlikely that someone would woo me online alone. I really need to have your face between my legs, so I’m not going to send you $30K because you’re waiting for a big business deal to come through. I’m also not going to tell you much about myself that’s true, so you won’t be able to hunt me down and ruin my life.
I don’t need you to blow up my life.
Q 4 — Will he stalk me?
Is he too needy? Is he always wanting me to text and check in? Does he get hot under the collar when I go out? Guys like that tend to want to control everything. People who do that don’t instantly become better when they transition to an in-person relationship.
I like keeping in touch but don’t need anyone to turn it into a job.
Q 5— Will he rape me?
If they’ve passed the first four questions, it’s less likely they will. But these guys are smooth. I watch out for someone who tells me everything he thinks I want to hear. I pay attention to what people say and what they mean when they say it. My mother taught me to watch for crazy people because she was one. Every day of my life growing up was a test of my ability to spot the signs of the coming storm. I was in grade nine when I realized I was smarter than her, but it didn’t help because she still held all the cards. I can spot a bullshitter a mile away, but they do sometimes slip under the radar. The best defense against these guys is time.
They won’t want to stick around for a few weeks as I get to know them.
Q 6— Will he murder me?
Probably not, which is why I start with boredom. But I think about it when I see how he answers. I don’t do anything much but look for patterns in his answers — what does he come back to? What does he focus on? How does he try to manage the convo? If I get any weird feeling out of that, I fade away. I don’t call him on it or probe, but just let the weirdos go gently into that good night. Mostly, I look for self-regulation issues when pressed, his need to control the convo and budding possessiveness.
I assume serial killers would be hard to detect because they’re hunters who work off a pattern they’ve honed to perfection. They’d move on from me because I likely don’t present the sort of target they’d be looking for. How’s that? My profile says — don’t waste your credits on me, I’m not looking. It saves me a lot of unwanted messages.
My profile saves them time because I’m someone they’ll never get to kill.
Takeaway
Don’t be boring.
Post Script
This is my first story in more than a month. Last month, I only wrote one. Incidentally, last month was the first month since September 2021 that I didn’t make more than $100 on Medium. I’m not losing my flare, but I’ve been very busy building a new consulting firm on top of my job, in addition to helping men find AM ladies. That, and I’ve just about had my fill of winter.
Thanks for reading!
Married dating support for men!
Would you like me to get you started on your path to depravity? Follow this third-party link to my products and services ⇨ PRODUCTS & SERVICES!
Want to read more stories like this on Medium?
Follow this link to subscribe for $5 bucks a month and get unlimited access to all my stories and 1000s more on Medium! ⇨ JOIN MEDIUM TODAY!
Join my email list!
Get a free pdf copy of my ebook — How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress — by joining my list! Third-party link to ⇨ MY EMAIL LIST!
© Teresa J. Conway, 2023