Ending an affair can suck, particularly when deep feels are involved. Recently, Redditor, SeekingAdvice, found themselves contemplating how to end an affair.
SeekingAdvice has been with her affair partner (AP) for three years, but she’s is ready to move on. Now single, her AP has just had a new baby and has no plans to leave wifey, because none do.
The shift in status to single dramatically alters the dynamics of an affair. When both are attached, the affair exists within a shared limitations and boundaries dictated by family commitments. But when one becomes single, thing shift.
The single partner has a broader range of options, and doesn’t have to settle for being second best anymore. No longer confined by the affair they have the freedom to pursue relationships that offer tjan their AP can provide.
The shift becomes a catalyst for ending the affair as the single partner reassesses their new future.
With a scheduled in-person meeting coming up, SeekingAdvice asks how to end the affair. Redditors, never failing to offer their perspective, came back with this —
#1 — The Direct Approach: Clear Communication in Ending an Affair
One advocated a straightforward rip-the-bandaid-off approach. They believe in the power of clear communication, suggesting, “The best way is to be completely straightforward and non-apologetic about it.”
Clarity and direction can allow both parties to move forward with certainty.
#2 — The Importance of Empathy When Breaking Up With an Affair Partner
Another highlighted the importance of empathy in the process of breakups. They note that women often opt for a conversation rather than ghosting, applauding SeekingAdvice’s consideration for their AP’s feelings. In their words, “Women are generally kinder, as in your case. You’re being considerate.”
Are they? Lemme know in the comments.
#3 — Transparency in Ending an Affair: Giving Your Partner a Choice
OpenBook champions transparency, suggesting SeekingAdvice inform the AP about their decision before the in-person meet. They believe in giving the AP the option to decide whether they still want to meet, stating, “Have you considered letting him know you’re not going to continue and seeing whether he wants to see you still?”
This approach respects the other person’s autonomy and feelings, a crucial aspect of any relationship. I can see that. Especially if he’s a crier. Best to let him blubber in private.
#4 — A Gentle Approach to Ending an Affair: The Importance of a Safe Space
SoftTouch recommends a gentle approach, advising SeekingAdvice to spend one last weekend together, then find a quiet place to air out feelings and end the affair. They caution against doing this in a public place, especially if the AP is prone to emotional outbursts. SoftTouch advises, “I would suggest having that last weekend together, and then before you fly home find a coffee cart or something and walk in a park while you air out your feelings.”
I’m not sure about this one, though, like how do you start the convoy? “Thanks for such a great weekend! You’re tongue was on point Mister! I’m sure gonna miss that…
#5 — The Strategic Approach to Ending an Affair: Timing is Everything
PragmO suggested a strategic approach, advising SeekingAdvice to only break up if they already have someone else lined up. They believe that being busy with a new relationship could make the process of letting go easier. PragmO proposes, “I would only break up if I already had someone lined up.”
There is a lot of upside to the “bird-in-hand” approach, but would she really have that much trouble finding someone? I could get laid by a different guy every week if I wanted, but I think she’s looking for more. That was probably what her exit affair was about, so hanging on? I could see a man doing that, but most women don’t have to.
Takeaways
Here’s what stood out:
- Embrace Directness: Clearly communicate your decision to end the affair. This provides clarity and allows both parties to move forward.
- Show Empathy: Consider the other person’s feelings and the potential impact of your decision. This shows respect and empathy.
- Practice Transparency: Inform the other person about your decision before any scheduled meetings. This gives them the option to decide whether they still want to meet.
Ending an affair is complex. It requires thoughtfulness, empathy, and clear communication. No matter what you do, tho, remember that you don’t owe anyone anything.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023