Baby Cheaters, Time Wasters & Flakes

Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash

Trying to find a new sexy friend is a pain in the ass.

By find, I mean to find one that’s right for me. If I wanted to jump on any old cock I could probably find one today and fuck it tomorrow, but that’s not my scene.

I created a new super-secret dating profile on Ashley Madison last month and let it simmer for a few weeks. I wanted the “new” badge to drop off my profile before I started seriously looking for my first conquest of Teresa’s Summer Slut Fest 2022 (TSSF 22).

Everyone hates a newbie, and most avoid them because they are flakes and criers.

What’s TSSF 22? The summer I should have had 30 years ago.

Why get rid of the “new” badge on my profile?

I already have a boy’s and a girl’s account for research, and I’ve never done anything else with them but chat. I wasn’t in the market for a new lover, and I’m still not — I have a great lover.

My girl’s account has probably been hit on by every guy in the region in the last year more than once. Some I’ve blocked, others I’ve ignored, and I imagine there are two or three I don’t know about, but I somehow doubt it.

The “new” badge is blood in the water to sharks from 18–89, and so when I finally do reach out, I didn’t want the men I chatted with to think I was a complete newbie.

Teaching a new chick the ropes is probably thrilling for them, but I didn’t want to have that “so you’re new around here, eh?” convo with anyone. Keeping them unsure about my experience seemed better.

Baby Cheaters

For my first target, I decided to only go after new guys. I want to bust someone’s second cherry again and introduce them to this adulterous lifestyle. There’s something off the hook hot about being someone’s first affair partner, and I wanted to experience that again.

I wanted to see his delight as I let him cup my breasts and unhook my bra. To feel his hands open my belt and slip into my panties to reach for his first foreign pussy since he tied the knot. Feeling his cock in my hands and taking him into my mouth. Sucking him on my knees the way he wished his wife would as I stroke his balls.

Maybe I’d let him cream-pie me because that’s just so Mmmmm. You only ever get one first cheat, so I wanted to make it fabulous for that special someone!

And also me.

Time Wasters and Flakes

But getting there! OMG!! What is it with these guys? In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been chatting with new men and narrowing down who’ll go first and haven’t been having much luck. They are either not for me, or they are flakes. What’s emerged instead is a few a day pattern for decent potential affair partners (pAPs) that goes like this:

  • I send or reply to message
  • the “are you a bot?” convo
  • super excited to be chatting with not a bot convo
  • “his first-time” cheating convo
  • request to see my pictures
  • sends pictures
  • gets sexy too early because he thinks I’m a cock hungry slut
  • “cool your jets, mister,” convo
  • request to see my pictures
  • request to see my pictures
  • asks for coffee date
  • requests cell number to text
  • OPSEC convo
  • request to see my pictures
  • asks for a coffee date
  • request to move to Kik/Telegram/Google Chats/email etc
  • move to chat platform
  • request to see my pictures
  • asks for a coffee date
  • boring family stuff
  • endless inane chat
  • send him my pictures
  • “you’re such a fucking goddess I came in my jeans,” convo
  • asks for a coffee date
  • I initiate a super hot chat
  • pics and vids of hard and wet things exchanged
  • masturbatory orgasms
  • chat slows down
  • too busy for coffee date
  • deletes accounts
  • ghosted

I’m not sure what it is, but I think the orgasm wakes them up to the reality of what they are doing. This is fine in theory, except I’ve wasted a few days on someone who doesn’t want to take it to the next level but flakes out instead.

I’m not that picky

I am not that picky, but there are some things I’m looking for that are oddly hard to find in a region of a million+ people. For this first one, though, I want to find someone eager to meet, worships the shit out of my body, and won’t be weird when I say that’s his only shot.

Like I said, this is TSSF 22, and not Teresa finds a new boyfriend fest. Teresa may have to find a new boyfriend before the summer is over, but Teresa has a boyfriend now.

So who’s gonna make a big squishy cream pie with me? God only knows, but when it happens, you’ll be the third to know!

© Teresa J. Conway, 2022

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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