10 Rules Ashley Madison Women Wish Men Knew

Woman with glasses looking into camera
Photo by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash

To serve my clients in the best possible way, I read a lot of profiles on Ashley Madison (AM). Not to go, all Men are from Uranus, and Women are from Venus on you, but there are differences. If I were to divide men and women into two categories, I’d say

  • Men write about what they will do and what they’ll do it with
  • Women write about what they don’t want men to do

Men are from Uranus

Any woman can tell you that men love to help, so it’s natural they’d focus on what they can do! They’ll tell you about how much pussy they eat, how they’ll fill your fantasies and your holes. If she’s lucky — and she’s often lucky — they will show her their pride and joy because they are proud of their tools!

Women are from Venus

On the other hand, women who have suffered the onslaught of pussy eating, fantasy-filling, and DIC pic messages often turn to the things they don’t want from men. Some women are nice, but after a while, most get tired of men’s promises, knowing they are primarily full of shit on a good day.

A voice in the desert

So when I recently came across the profile below, I thought it spoke for all women on AM, so I decided to share it.

If you are a man reading this, all I can say is — do these things. Apply her rules to every woman on AM or any other dating site, and you will be moving in the right direction because she’s telling you what we all want!

If you approached every woman on AM following her advice, you would drown in pussy.

Like I tell my clients…

She’s here because she wants hot, dirty, forbidden sex. Your job is to convince her to have that hot, dirty, forbidden sex with you.

Her 10 easy-to-follow rules!

This profile comes from a woman who describes herself as an intelligent, certified professional. The sort of lady who sounds like a nice catch, doesn’t she?

A screencap: Author from AshleyMadison.com that describes what she wants men to understand.
Screencap: Author from AshleyMadison.com

Here’s what she tells the boys —

Happy with my life and not really missing anything. I am looking for a fun and exciting rendezvous with an intriguing gentleman. I enjoy being pampered and spoiled in many different ways. Looking for someone with a provocative spark in the eyes who is interesting and definitely not boring!

I know what you are wondering… and YES, that is on the menu as well! [I’m guessing bum stuff.]

Dear Gentlemen:

1. I am NOT looking for a d!ck, so if YOU ARE THE ONE, please stop reading and exit my page

My comment — If you don’t know what this means, you’re probably a dick.

2. Do NOT write to me, “I will give you what you are missing”, instead refer to point 1. (see above)

My comment — Best to wait to see what she wants; see if you can give it to her, and be honest if you can’t.

3. Do NOT write to me that you know how to treat a woman. Men who really know, never actually say that!

My comment — I don’t have anything to add, but this is one that it’s better to show than tell.

4. I will NOT respond to a “Wink” or “Hey” or an automatic “Reply”… you should be able to construct decent sentences and actually write a message.

My comment — Your grammar is essential, and she’ll use it as a screening tool. Sloppy grammar? Sloppy guy. Bitch about that if you like, but see rule #1.

5. I will NOT share my [pics] unless I see your FACE pics first (no exceptions there).

My comment — Never ask for pics. EVER. She’ll send them when it’s time. Asking for pictures tells her all she is to you is a body. When the men-to-woman ratio is 5:1 or more, your odds are already low enough without acting like AM is a meat market.

A screencap: Author from AshleyMadison.com that describes what she wants men to understand.
Screencap: Author from AshleyMadison.com

6. Do NOT contact me if you are CHEAP and/or not willing to invest anything to what potentially can be fun and exciting experiences.

My comment — If fucking in a car is your idea of a good time, see rule #1.

7. I’m not interested in changing my situation or yours.

My comment — I usually tell my clients not to write this, but the point is… you won’t be the love of her life, so don’t go there.

8. I will greatly respect your privacy and confidentiality and expect the same from you!

My comment — Women are good at keeping their mouths shut. Men? They blab everything.

9. DO NOT (ever) send me your d!ck pictures…you will be blocked. FYI…showing off your d!ck greatly minimizes the chances of you actually using it.

My comment — Cocks are important, but making sure you’re not a loser is more important to a woman, so keep your cock in your pants and out of her messages until she asks. If you’re the right guy, she’ll ask. If you’re not, your cock doesn’t matter.

10. Spare me from your home drama, although everyone writes in their bio, “no drama” … most of you can’t even handle your own wives. If you don’t have it figured out, do not contact me.

My comment — Most of you can’t handle your wives. We know because we’re married to you and so are our friends. It’s best that you don’t mention your wife — total clit blocker.

Bonus Rules

What am I looking for in a man? Intelligent, classy, educated, fun, open-minded, clean, and well-dressed.

My comment — She knows you’re probably Homer Simpson at home but doesn’t want to see that side of you. She wants James Bond. Be James Bond, even if only for a couple of hours.

Oh!… and of course, nothing boring, please!

My comment — Be interesting at all times. I find an ironic sense of humor is the best way not to be boring. What’s boring? Too much talk and not taking cheeky risks.

Is she not clear?

You’ll do well if you read and heed her ten rules and apply those to every lady on AM you meet. Like I told a client this morning…

When she has 100s of options, it won’t take much to put her off. So chill and play it cool.

Words to live by, now get out there and hit that pussy, sport!

© Teresa J. Conway, 2022

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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