An Ashley Madison Message That Brought Milkshakes to the Yard

Photo by Jan Kopřiva on Unsplash

I’m not sure how many times I have to say this, but if you don’t read my profile before sending me a message, I’ll probably fuck you around for a bit before dumping you. Why? Because I can. And you’ll come back for more, thinking you’ll get a taste because I’m talking to you.

By the end of it, you’ll think I’m a cunt… and you’d be right, and I’m pretty good at it. If you want sugar n spice Teresa, you’re going to have to do some homework. If you don’t want to do the homework, hit me up, and I’ll do it for you, but as they say…

Not everything in life is free, hun.

Read her profile

Have a look at what she’s written and read over it until you know what she’s saying. Then, look between the lines, and think about it. Is she telling you what she wants or hiding it behind her words?

Missy G’s profile write-up

Here’s her profile (in italics). I’ve taken it apart to explain what each sentence meant to show you.

I am a happy person with a good career and wonderful family — Not looking for someone to fuck my life up.

I love socializing and traveling — I can carry my end of the conversation.

Over the years, my marriage has become more of a friendship, and I am looking for emotional and sexual connection — My perfect but stale life needs dusting.

And the excitement and fun an affair can be — This is not my first rodeo.

In a discreet way — I’m not looking to fuck your life up.

Someone who will be a friend as well as an exciting lover — You need to be more than a cock, but you need a cock.

Life is too short to be other than open and honest — Don’t waste my time; if you want to hit this, leave your bullshit at home.

I hope you like my profile — If you don’t fit the above, move along.

Opening message to Missy G

Here is the opening message I wrote (in italics) to Missy G for my client. And what I was thinking as I wrote it.

Hello Missy G! — I’m friendly.

I can’t agree enough that the excitement of an affair is part of the attraction — My life needs dusting too.

For us, it’s a medical condition that has caused me to look for a friend to relight that spark — I’m looking after someone who needs me, so I’m not looking for more, but I need some relief as I’m doing it.

I also agree that life is too short to be anything other than honest and welcome it — I’ve got too much going on to play bullshit games.

Please have a look at my profile and let me know if you’d like to get to know each other better — I think I’m who you’re looking for, check me out and let me know.

It is that easy.


Well, it’s that easy for me because I wrote the response for a client, and it got the conversation started. So if you can get her chatting, you’re doing better than a lot of men.

In my area, the ratio is 5:1, and while some ladies like having two or three on a string, they all don’t, so there are probably three men not connecting.

In the opening stages of a relationship, it’s all about messaging. I wrote about ten messages for this client, and this one got a response. Half of the women checked his profile out, and all the priority messages I wrote were opened. I don’t do conversations, though, so whatever happens, after I get my client to the start line is up to them.

To find someone, you need to send nice messages and a lot of them!

© Teresa J. Conway, 2022

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

Leave a Reply

Site Footer

%d bloggers like this: