Does it get any sweeter?
Number #1 — Messing with the wrong evil genius
Twitter user AyanaTheDiva (third party link (3PL))* caught her boyfriend carrying on an affair with her a coworker at her new job. They started talking about boyfriends so the coworker goes to Insta and, well, you can read the rest.
Number #2 — Do you want fries with that?
Instaloser jordan_vonsmith86 commented post was cute until, well, his girl legit asked him WTF? There’s more, but you get the picture. Check out this this 3PL for more — screenshots. So where did this play out? Burger King’s official Insta account.
I can’t say BK is my go-to fast food choice, but I can’t agree with shanlee — they have pretty good burgers. Of course, I’m pretty sure Jordan wasn’t picking up because that was the first time in his life he got a glimpse of how stupid he was, and he needed to take a moment.
Number #3 — A dog’s breakfast
Suzannaho (3PL) on Buzzfeed, “I had been dating my live in boyfriend for about a year. One night while I was walking our dog, the dog pooped out a condom. I was on birth control and we had not used condoms in about six months. When confronted my boyfriend said, can we just take a second to appreciate the fact that I was using protection…”
To be fare, the poor pouch could have gotten it from anywhere, “right, babe?” No.
This 3PL isn’t the video, but it will give you a good visual of how it went down. Apparently eating condoms is a thing dogs do.
Number #4 — Out of the mouths of babes
samantham4162a72e5 on Buzzfeed (3PL), “I went to Houston, TX for a job interview at MD Anderson. When I called home my then husband was really distracted due to a party he was having. Anyway, two days later I got home and I was spending time with my stepson who was 4yrs old. As I was holding him and telling him how much I loved him, he casually says, “like Jenna?” I said, “who is Jenna?” My little stepson proceeded to tell me how daddy has this friend Jenna, who spent the night and told him and his older brother who was 6 at the time she loved them so much and looked forward to being their mommy. We got home, I called my father in-law told him I was leaving and filing for divorce and reasoning behind it all. Never saw the kids again that I loved, or the asshole! Changed my name back.”
Yeah, this one isn’t that hilarious, but just remember, kids have all the time in the world to see what you’re doing and report on you.
Number #5 — Guess who’s having a baby!
allin18 on Buzzfeed (3PL), “He forgot that I followed him on Instagram, and he posted a sonogram of a baby he was having with someone else.”
Ooops! But you have to give him points for being a proud dad! I guess if you’re having a kid with someone, you’d eventually have to let your girlfriend know. Otherwise, how would you explain that kid in your life every other weekend who wasn’t as old as your relationship?
Number #5 — Flying the friendly skies
Thinking about it, it seems pretty obvious, but on her way to Bali, a slightly drunk wife decided to check out hub’s phone. No password? No problem. She opened it using his finger print while he slept. While he slept.
Things got out of hand after that and the Qatar Airways flight was forced to make an emergency landing in India to kick Mrs. Vodka & Tonic off the plane along with Mr. Two-Timer and their kid, according to this The Times of India 3PL.
I suppose one possible way around this is use your off-handed pinky to unlock the phone and hope that you wake up as she keeps trying each finger.
I’m a cheater, I write about cheating, and I even wrote a book about how not to get caught. So why do I find these stories funny? For the same reason everyone one does. These men were stupid beyond belief and got caught for it. Here’s how you can avoid this stuff —
- Stay off social media — Cut down on your posting, and don’t post selfies when out with friends more than occasionally. You do that so that when you’re running around, your other half won’t be expecting a post. Think about it! If you post every time you go out, he’ll notice the times you don’t.
- Clean up the scene of the crime — Get rid of used condoms, look for socks and undies, don’t keep souvenirs, delete texts and pictures off your phone.
Cheating isn’t risk-free, so risk will always be there, but you can minimize those risks fairly easily by not getting other chicks pregnant, not posting about them, and keeping your phone away from your drunk angry wife.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2021