This IS NOT A 14 MINUTE READ if you just read my comments!
My best-paying article has made me almost $700 as of today (Apr 3rd). When I say almost, I’m $0.06 short. It was a funny story published in a funny sex-positive publication for fun — Sex and Satire, by Ms. Part Time Wino, who is hilarious. She has given my writing a home there on occasion, and I’m grateful.
I’ve been reading stories lately where lady writers don’t always engage with their commenters because of the hate. I’m new at this stuff (if a year on Medium makes me new) and it helps that I have five layers of protective security wrapped around me.
I engage with them all, good and bad. I love my fans mostly because I can’t believe I have any. Because of my security I’m a little less worried knowing the result of what I write online won’t show up on my doorstep one day offering to rape me.
As Yael Wolfe recently pointed out in an article explaining why she’s begun to pull her best metphorical punches, not all women writers are so lucky. I understand why. Many men hate women who write about sex, and so do some women. And because we write about sex, it seems we are somehow open to attack, criticism, objectification, unsolicited offers of sex, adoration, threats of rape, and more.
My privacy is my armor, yet I only protect myself because I walk among you. But to be violently clear — I’ve always had to protect myself because I walk among you.
Oddly what bothers me less than the rapey misogynists are the #notallmen and #whatabout crowds. You know the ones. Those people who couldn’t spot humor, comedy, satire, or irony if it was fucking them up the ass [consensually of course] wearing a t-shirt that said: I’m funny.
Instead, they take time out of their day to tell you things like: what you did wrong; how you think is wrong; how you write is wrong; how the things you call wrong aren’t wrong; and on and on, and on it goes.
This piece is a sampling of some of those comments from my top-earning article. My responses and additional editorial comments are there, rendered comically for your entertainment. I, too, find it entertaining, knowing that I could, at any moment, do to any of them, exactly what I’m about to do here with some of them.
If I had advice for those party poopers, it would be — lighten the fuck up assholes — but of course, I am too nice to say anything like that.
As I said, this isn’t a 14-minute read if you just read my thoughts, which are conveniently pointed for you.
The comments
Male Snowflake #1 (MSF 1) — I wonder if women would appreciate such scrutiny and criticism if the burden were on them to reach out first instead of just sitting back and getting messages from men.
Me — Well, we don’t live in that universe, so I guess we’ll never find out. And in case you hadn’t noticed, in some of these profiles, the women are already pre-judged by their weight and fitness levels, so there’s enough of that to go around here.
MSF 1 — Men are prejudged by the same things, but we can add income as well. And it’s funny that you simply say, “Well, we don’t live in that universe, so I guess we’ll never find out.”
If this were a woman’s issue, it wouldn’t be treated as “that’s just the way it is.” There would be article after article demanding change, organizations formed, new laws created, and probably government money spent on commercials to “re-educate.”
The bottom line is, before criticizing men for something you don’t have the burden of having to do, maybe do it and point out that it’s not fair and shouldn’t be the way it is.
That would require a true desire for equality, balance, and fairness.
Editorial Comment — So, what he’s saying is, forget all that past inequality. You should strive to rise up to the level of men but not put us down while doing it. Awe, you poor thing, you’re right. What was I thinking? Oh right, it was — FUCK YOU.
MSF 2 — I think the point is that your reading of what they’ve written is extraordinarily one-sided. You interpret every one of them in the worst possible way. Not that none of your takes are valid. But they are mostly about as heavy-handed as possible in reading the guy as a pure scumbag, shallow as possible, and a complete moron.
I am not on Ashley Madison, but some of the other typical dating apps/sites. I know that men can be terrible. Women express many of the same things you are crucifying here — horrible grammar. No punctuation. Spelling issues. Ridiculous profile names. Wanting to see a photo. Preferring someone who is fit. And MANY who make one expression or another of wanting the man to have money and want to spend it on them. “I love to be spoiled.” “Seeing a successful and generous man.”
Many write little more than simply putting their Venmo or Cashapp and writing, “If you’re feeling generous.” Or, “To get my attention.” Anyway, like I said, I know men can be terrible on those kinds of sites…unsolicited dick pics and brainless openers, etc. But men don’t have the market cornered on terrible. Not that you say anything about women being wonderful and perfect. But you certainly don’t leave much room for a single one of these men to be even remotely decent or intelligent.
Your article reads as if you hate men, which I would not presume to be so. With all due respect [awe], I clicked here to read your article for a woman’s perspective on what she finds on such a site. Instead, I found what seems like a woman with an ax to grind, with barely a shred of objectivity. If I were a woman, I think my takeaway would be that men are terrible and that I would be a fool for trying to meet someone on one of these sites. So my only real takeaway is that I’m not interested in reading more of you’re writing and am disappointed that I wasted my time reading this.
To some extent, also to be taking more time to write this, as I can’t know if it will be received with any degree of objectivity as constructive feedback. Not sharing that to insult you. Just so you know how one reader reacts to your piece. Maybe you don’t care about what a man thinks, and so you don’t care what this man thinks about your piece. That is clearly your choice, as is writing for your intended audience. But if your intended audience does not include men, who is it? Women, who hate men and need validation about it?
Anyway, I hope at least some of this is in some way helpful to you in your work. If not, no sweat. It’s great that you have a lover you’re happy with. It’s a tough time to be finding a lover these days. Online dating leaves much to be lacking from any perspective. And in this particular time, it’s sort of the only show in town. You might want to consider how difficult it is for all people, from whatever perspective.
Me — At the end of the day, this article is about how you get into my pussy using words. AM is about sex, not going to the county fair, and trying for a kiss. Are my standards and expectations high? When I have 100 messages waiting for me, I can afford to be picky. It is my pussy that’s on the line, after all.
MSF #2 — Okay. So I guess your audience is men? Whatever the case, have fun with your megaphone. Apparently, people do find it funny. So there’s that. 😉 Cheers!
Me — It is mostly women based on the people who reach out to me. And I’m bloody hilarious, just ask me, I’ll tell you.
Editorial Comment — “If I were a woman, I think my takeaway would be that men are terrible and that I would be a fool for trying to meet someone on one of these sites.” How fucking naïve do you have to be to think a woman could wander through life in ignorant bliss before she happens upon my article and realizes men can be shits? Jesus, give me strength.
PSA for NSF 2 — Most women know men can be terrible before they get their first bra, you whiny fuck.
MSF 3 — Not sure what you were expecting…I mean, it is an app that caters to these types…kind of like shooting fish in a barrel! Give us something that takes some effort….
Me — What would you suggest?
MSF 3 – Uhm, your the writer…Perhaps a mainstream dating app…just spitballing here!
Me — I am the writer, and the writer doesn’t use a mainstream dating app for her hook-ups, so go spitball elsewhere, perhaps?
MSF 3 — Yes…I know your the writer…you wrote the article…all I am saying is,…you don’t have to Write about the extremely obvious…This fat and age…the merely obvious would be fine. Good luck with your “writing!”
Me — You’re the one who told me I was the writer, so I thought we were playing the “state the obvious” game. Thanks for stopping in, Capt O!
Editorial Note — *you’re. And why would I take effort when I can shoot fish in a barrel? The readers seemed to enjoy it, and I’ve made nearly $700 off them, and a fish is a fish when you’re eating it, isn’t it?
MSF 4 — Hilarious!!!! And I’ll add. A few extra pounds is rarely a few. And if you’re grammar critical, you’re probably not that horny
Me — Women run the show on AM. We can afford to be critical of grammar. The men? Not so much. The men need to pay attention to their grammar if they want some sweet stuff.
MSF 4 — Really??? I am completely at a loss as to why that would matter.
Me — Why what would matter? Grammar? Grammar speaks to intelligence, and while there are many hot guys on AM, they aren’t all intelligent. Writing ability is a screening tool many women use. When you’re having an affair, as a woman, you don’t have to settle. There are more men out there than you can imagine, so for women, it’s a matter of finding the one you want, not finding one to have sex with — I could have stranger sex in 12 hours if I wasn’t picky. But I am — and a man’s ability to carry his end of a convo is essential to me. So, what that means for men is if they want to cast the widest net possible, they will have decent writing skills.
MSF 4 — And yet you’ve done nothing to prove that good grammar equals good sex. If you’re looking for a partner? And it’s more then sex? Then divorce and get out there.
Me — I didn’t say good grammar leads to good sex. All I’ve said is most women prefer literate men, and a well-written profile and messages are a screening tool. You have something you want to say, so go ahead and email me if you want to tell me what that is. Commenting on my article is probably not going to get us there as quickly as an email. I have answered the divorce question, so go have a look for it — teresa@tjconwayauthor.com
Editorial Comment — *than. I did tell him that grammar indicates intelligence and not sexual prowess. However, I expect an intelligent man would be more willing to learn how to “do things” than someone who believes I believe there’s causation between grammar and good sex. And am I looking for more? No, but I’m not looking for someone who’s going to start eating paint chips while I’m trying to get out of there, either.
Angry MSF 5 -This is the most nonsensical pseudo-feminist rubbish I’ve ever read. You’re toxic, and you’re basic, and your “men are bad, women are good” article is just one of many. This is intellectual laziness in its prime, and you should feel bad for writing this. As an actual feminist, I think you’re disgraceful.
Also, these men all sound horrible. But if you want to pretend as if their body-shaming (according to your own admitted purposeful interpretation) is what’s affecting women, you’re full of shit.
Women don’t listen to men, and they never have [holy fuck sweetie, change your panties, yours are too tight]. They listen to other women. You mislead and lie and shame each other, and because you’re so uncomfortable having these difficult conversations within your own community of women, you just pin everything on men.
Me — Or entertainment, as I like to call it. Let me know the next time you want to give one of your holes away to a stranger, because I’m such a bad feminist I might even let you pick your own selection criteria and respect your choices no matter what they are, ok sweetie?
Angry MSF 5 – 😂😂😂Wasn’t your entire experiment based on “giving your holes”(<==such a misogynistic phrase btw) to strangers? Do better. This whole article was cheap and poorly thought out.
Editorial Comment – My experiment was based on giving my holes away to a stranger. Not any stranger, though, but the right stranger, who would then fill them with his gorgeous cock in a way I don’t get at home. Misogynistic? Oh, dear. This man is so enraged that he casts himself not only as the feminist but me as a misogynist. This little snowflake is lost in a wokestorm so profound that he doesn’t know up from down.
MSF 6 — Yeah… take a close picture of your breast to make them look big and make that your profile picture. No wonder men sent you those comments. Simply shows men will try to get easy access to sex when women demonstrate low standards. Nothing more, nothing less
Me — But that doesn’t explain the poor grammar, does it? I’m not sure “easy access to sex” means “be inarticulate” does it? Take you, for instance, you couldn’t even end your last sentence with a period. What does the D stand for, Dick? Thanks for the read, sweetie.
Editorial Comment — Um, my tits are pretty big. Big enough to make a cock disappear between them, but I’m not sure how showing them off equals “easy access.” I can assure you that I don’t perform my magic trick on just any old cock.
Male Not A Snowflake #1 (MNAS 1) – Allow me to answer your question…Yes.
Editorial Note – The article’s title asked a question along the lines of — are all men this stupid. I know that not all men are whiny bitches, and it was nice to see one in my comments with a sense of humor. You see, a man like this – meaning one who gets the joke – is probably quite fuckable.
MNAS 2 — Your profile did bring in sex with the “down-low” comment and your preferences. The responses were predictable. However, regardless of what “I read” from it, responding like a gentleman always wins the day. It doesn’t hurt to be articulate and intuitive either. People are not the composite sum of their sexual natures.
Me — Ashley Madison is a hookup site for married people, so in this regard, all we are looking for is sex. The observations I’m making are on their profiles’ contents, rather than direct communications between us. Your point on communicating like a gentleman is good, though. Even though it is a site for cheaters, that doesn’t mean anyone needs to be crass.
Editorial Comment — Another one who gets it! Responding like a gentleman always wins the day. He is 100% correct here. Why would you shut a door right off the starting line by writing something stupid in your profile or comment? Sure, if her ass is too big for you, let her off gently. Tell her you’ve found someone. Why? Because if you haven’t found someone and are still looking to get laid, you might be able to put her ass into a better perspective. If you tell her you don’t want a fat cow upfront, you may never get laid because you sound like a cad.
MSF 8 – My 34-year-old son is a criminal defense lawyer, an intellectual with a sense of justice who wants to create a better society. Athletic. Nice looking Italian-Canadian dude who loves his family and friends. Popular with women but hasn’t found his true love.
Last time we talked, I asked him how his love life was going and he said he was trying online dating sites but without much luck. Then a male friend came by, looked at his dating profile, and freaked. “You’re doin’ this all wrong dude,” he said. “Let me fix it for you.”
So here are some tips for you guys.
Knock a 3 years off your age and add them (inches) to your height.
Include a photo of yourself without a shirt (taken at the beach but not a selfie)
Include another photo of yourself holding a baby or a puppy, either will do fine.
Include another photo of yourself in a business suit smoking a big stogie and looking like a billionaire.
Keep the text to a minimum.
What happened next? He posted the new profile and within a few hours had 5 responses from women pleading for a hookup.This is the real world, folks. Men-bashing will get you nowhere.
Me – Man-bashing won’t get me anywhere? This article has made me hundreds, so I’d call that somewhere. The five tips are sound, although on a cheating site I would say go with the pup over the kid. Adultery is all about forgetting the baggage for a while. Thank you for your read!
MSF 8 — Good grief! Get some therapy.
Me — Why would I need therapy with people like you in my life? I understand that a woman writing about sex in an entertaining way might not sit well with your Italian heritage, but just because you may not agree with me doesn’t mean I need therapy. After all, you sound like a sexist asshole and I’ve hardly said a thing about that.
MSF 8 — I’ll take that as a compliment. Much appreciated!
Me — The 70s comebacks are adorbs grandpa, keep them rolling.
Editorial Comment — I thought things were going well until the therapy comment. Who does this old fuck think he is? Therapy. Fuck you.
Female Snowflake #1 — What the crap did I just read? Super not okay to catfish men so you can make fun of them (for profit, no less!). Grow up. This is the kind of thing that fuels the hatred that many men have for women.
Granted, it’s usually done by black hatters masquerading as hot women to trick lonely, desperate men into signing up for/upgrading their dating site memberships, but guess what? That’s not what the men who are being lead on see. They see that they spent a bunch of money signing up for a website and got basically nothing in return.
[Editorial Note — I personally know a few men who got something in return]
They see that they have sent out hundreds of messages only to receive zero replies. It’s no wonder that most of them have stopped putting any effort into their intro messages. Why would they bother putting in the effort when women are stuck-up bitches who can’t even bother to reply?
How about you make a profile as a guy to see what it’s like. How many messages do you think you’d have to send to get a single reply? How long would you think it would take to get 21 profile views? I bet it would be longer than an hour and a half.
Yeah, I know, this is yet another system that predatory men have set up to take advantage of people who are desperate. Although there is a fair number of men on the receiving end of emotional and financial abuse, these men ultimately pass that on to women. This crap is one of the main things that sours young men’s views of women.
Please stop being a part of the problem. Or maybe see what’s on the other side of the coin. At the least, you’ll have some material for another article.
Me – Alternatively, it could be seen as an article about being a woman on a married dating site. I met my lover on AM, so I know at least one man who’s done well there. And catfishing? Maybe kitten fishing, but all I did was open a profile, and they came to me because I have something they want. As for your “no wonder men” argument? Are you seriously blaming me for the problems men have with women? That’s a little rich. If men have problems with women, they only need to find a mirror to blame someone.
And profit? Well, yes, this one is doing rather nicely, thank you. Thank you for your read.
Editorial Comment – Some men have problems with women, but you can’t blame women for that. You can’t even blame women who point out how pathetic some men are. The only people men should focus on if they think they have a problem with women is themselves. Being rejected by women and being frustrated by that is not a woman’s issue. It is a man’s issue – it is the man-who’s-been-rejected’s issue. If men put themselves out there offering sex, they should be ready for the rejection they face. Women have no responsibility to protect men from rejection. If anything, my article points out how men should act to lower the chances of rejection.
Seriously, this woman has said that my telling men not to mention a woman’s body in their profile is offensive to men. How fucking far back do women need to lean in order to make men feel comfortable? Obviously back far enough so that even some women would rather see men body-shaming other women rather than allow a woman to point out a man’s body-shaming? Jesus, what is it that these people are learning in university these days?.
MSF 9 – I can’t tell if you are making jokes or hate men. I mean, some of your translations were funny. But you are on a website where married men are trying to score. And yes. Men are stupid. Jackbequick is just being totally honest and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or maybe even be hurt himself. BMW doesn’t want a fat chick.
As a guy I say Pondering really doesn’t care about your brain. No matter what you say or do he is going to compliment you on how smart you are. It is an interesting read, and I would check out other stories about this site. I would be careful putting chats and usernames on the internet.
Me — I don’t hate men, but god, this was fun to write. It was published by sex and satire, and if you check my profile, you’ll see I’m a top writer in both Satire and Humor. Not bragging, but pointing out I try to be funny more often than not and am sometimes recognized for it. As for the profile names, they’ve all been changed to reflect what they called themselves, but in a way, I doubt they’d recognize. Thank you for your comments.
Editorial Note — He couldn’t tell if it was funny? Ok. And that bit about the profile names and publishing? I’m always fascinated by people who believe everyone else is as naïve as they are. I’m not even sure it was a mansplain, but he’s definitely a friend of Captain Obvious up top. No sir, I did not use their real profile names. What did that MD in your profile name here mean — More Dumb? Please.
As always, thank you for taking the time!
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2021
By Teresa J Conway on .
Exported from Medium on July 29, 2021.
