Why Would You Pay $5 To Say “Hi” on Ashley Madison?

Analyzing Nine Ashley Madison priority messages

Ashley Madison credit rates and credit purchase pricing.
Ashley Madison credit rates and credit purchase pricing. (Image: Ashleymadison.com)

The AM credit system sees you convert your cash into credits, allowing you to communicate with women. If a woman sends a man a message, he has to pay to open it. In my experience, I sent very few men messages out of the blue because I had so many in touch with me that I could just browse those instead of looking for fresh meat.

These days, messages cost men nine credits for a regular message and fourteen for a priority message. Based on the rates and which package you buy, messages can cost this much —

  • $1.80 to $3.60 regular message
  • $2.80 to $5.60 priority message

That’s a lot of money for the first message (subsequent messages are free), so how do you choose what to send her? In going through my messages this morning for the first time in about a month, I had 72 requests for pictures. God knows how many winks and a ton of messages. I can filter out the winks and picture requests, but there are still too many messages to read or look at.

The ones that stand out are the priority messages because they are at the top of my list. There were nine this morning, and those are the ones we are going to explore.

Ashley Madison profile message in-box.
When I started, there were six messages like this all at the top. This message list goes on and on and on from here. I didn’t open this one because I could read the whole thing without opening it. (Screen-cap: Author)

I usually don’t open priority messages because the system alerts the sender as soon as they are opened. That’s good for the sender because he can follow up right away if he’s online. It’s the follow-up that I don’t always want.

The first thing anyone should do on AM before sending a message to a woman is look at her profile. You do this for a couple of reasons. If she asks for a 10” cock have a 10” cock, before you message her.

Why? She doesn’t want what you have if it isn’t 10″+, and that means you can save yourself time and money. Trust me. She won’t want your 5” cock if she says she doesn’t want it. Take your 5” cock and move on. There’s a girl out there for you — just not her.

My Profile

This is my profile. It’s not long, and I think it’s clear. As we move to my priority messages, remember what I’ve written.

This is my profile (Screen-caps: Author)

Point scoring

I love metrics, so let’s apply some to my analysis of the nine priority messages waiting for me this morning. The total point score is out of 10, awarded like this:

  • 3 pts — Read my profile.
  • 3 pts — Conformed to parameters set out in profile.
  • 2 pts — Grammar and message quality.
  • 2 pts — Humor.

Message One

Ashley Madison message.
Not much going on here. (Screen-cap: Author)

Of course you would. That’s why you sent me a message, but because you haven’t looked at my profile and haven’t used a period, I’m not sure I’d love to chat with you. There are dozens of messages like this in my in-box that say the exact same thing, and I ignore them all.

  • 0 pts — Read my profile. No idea because he should indicate that.
  • 0 pts — Conformed to parameters set out in profile. No idea because I didn’t look at his.
  • 1 pt — Grammar and message quality. A missing period. Not fatal, but I’m already turned off.
  • 0 pts — Humor. It’s funny because he wasted his money, but other than that? Nope.

Score — 1/10

Decision — PASS

Message Two

Ashley Madison message.
Another short one. (Screen-cap: Author)

This guy read my profile, so that’s nice to see. “Does that count?” Well, you read my fucking profile, didn’t you, so what do you think? Maybe he’s trying to leverage his apparent youth? His first sentence makes me happy, but the jokey second one doesn’t because if you’re going to ask me a question, ask one you don’t know the answer to.

  • 2 pts — Read my profile. He read it, but did he understand it?
  • 2 pts — Conformed to parameters set out in profile. Seems like it, but I didn’t look.
  • 1 pt — Grammar and message quality. A conjunction would have worked better.
  • 1 pt — Humor. It’s cute, but not LOL cute.

Score — 6/10

Decision — PASS

Message Three

Ashley Madison message conversation.
Sorry friend. (Screen-cap: Author)

It is a deal-breaker. I did have an exchange with this guy, so I’m not sure how his message popped back up to the top as priority, but it did. Perhaps once it’s a priority message, it’s always a priority message and shows back up there? I’ll keep an eye out. That would be a handy tip to know.

In this case, you can see I’d already told him why a single guy wasn’t my thing. And it was because of him I added that “no singles” line to my profile. I don’t want singles to waste money on messaging me. In his case, because the money is already spent, he can keep coming back for free, even though he knows he’s not the guy for me — EVER. Dude, seriously, READ MY WORDS.

  • 2 pts — Read my profile. If he did, it was before my revised statement, so not up to date.
  • 0 pts — Conformed to parameters set out in profile. Nope.
  • 2 pts — Grammar and message quality. Quality? He’s not listening. That’s not a “get-you-laid quality.”
  • 0 pts — Humor. Nope, but at this point, he was desperate.

Score — 4/10

Decision — HARD PASS

Message Four

Ashley Madison message.
It says Feb 24, but I just looked at it today. (Screen-cap: Author)

I’m not sure if this message was there before I revised my profile to say that I’m probably not interested if I haven’t messaged you. I suppose I left the door open enough with the ‘probably,’ which let this guy think he could squeeze through. What it means is he read my profile and spotted a potential loophole, which is clever!

  • 3 pts — Read my profile. Yup.
  • 3 pt — Conformed to parameters set out in profile. And spotted the loophole — bastard.
  • 1 pt — Grammar and message quality. That weird, conjoined twin emoji is distracting.
  • 1 pt — Humor. I don’t like being loopholed.

Score — 8/10


Message Five

This one was suspiciously long. (Screen-cap: Author)

My first thought was how long is this? When I opened it, it was long. Did he seriously tap that out in front of the TV while sipping a beer? Or late at night on his laptop? No. And how do I know? He hasn’t mentioned anything in my profile that proves he read or understood it — piqued his interest?

Seriously, a profile that is a list of what not to do piqued his interest? This is a cut and paste, and I’m not into a dude who mass produces his bullshit. I want original bullshit, asshole! Does he copy and paste the orgasms too? I doubt it. If I had the time, I would make another profile and wait for this guy to send me another message so I could show you.

Guys, I’m not down on cut and paste, but it can’t look cut and paste. See my note back to him? If you are going to cut and paste something, a little flaw will make it more legit. What’s better than that, though, is a genuine message without flaws, but if that’s not you, remember this asshole before you send her a cut and paste.

  • 0 pts — Read my profile. Pretending is worse than not reading it.
  • 0 pt — Conformed to parameters set out in profile. Who knows/don’t care.
  • 1 pt — Grammar and message quality. It’s good, but mechanical, which is detracting.
  • 0 pts — Humor. None. After all that reading, not one funny thing. Sad.

Score — 1/10

Decision — HARD PASS

Message Six

This again? (Screen-cap: Author)

If he’s trying to be Fat Albert, he’s missed a ‘hey.’ I didn’t check to see how old he was, but he knows how old I am, and this kiddy text stuff would be ok later, but not as an opener. Like the first guy, there are dozens of messages like this, but at least they spent less money on them, which means this guy doesn’t even know he’s wasting his money.

  • 0 pts — Read my profile. Nope.
  • 0 pts — Conformed to parameters set out in profile. No idea.
  • -1 pts — Grammar and message quality. Texty-text-text. I get enough of this from my kids.
  • 1 pt — Humor. It’s funny, but not in a way he’d find flattering.

Score — 0/10

Decision — PASS

Message Seven

Ashley Madison message.
This one’s got something going on. (Screen-cap: Author)

Flattery will get you everywhere, sir.

3 pts — Read my profile. Yes.

3 pts — Conformed to parameters set out in profile. Yes

1 pt — Grammar and message quality. The ‘for to’ suggests an editing artifact. I like the fact he edited, but he didn’t reread his message, showing a lack of attention to the details. I do love an ellipsis, though, despite what Grammarly Pro thinks of them.

2 pts — Humor. Self-deprecating humor signifies that the man isn’t afraid to laugh at himself, and any man who can laugh at himself will put your orgasm ahead of his.

Score — 9/10

Decision — MAYBE COFFEE DATE. I’d start a chat and might meet up if the chat and pics were ok.

Message Eight

Yes, you can see a picture. (Screen-cap: Author)

This sort of message comes through as genuine sweetness. Someone is not faking this or cutting and pasting it. The errors are consistent and sort of cute in a way. So overall, despite the mistakes, I love his authenticity. The only issue here for me is he’s single now, which means he’s not what I’m looking for.

A divorced guy might be ok because he’s maybe not looking for more — right now — but if he’s looking at the future, he might think I could solve his loneliness. I also wonder why he was divorced. If he’s as sweet as I believe he is, he wouldn’t be divorced, would he? No divorce is one-sided.

  • 0 pts — Read my profile. No, he didn’t.
  • 0 pts — Conformed to parameters set out in profile. No, because he wouldn’t have messaged.
  • 2 pts — Grammar and message quality. I’m not just a grammar Nazi. The message needs to have the quality to it. If there’s no quality and bad grammar, it’s not going to get me there. This message is all quality to me.
  • 0 pts — Humor. While sweet, there is no humor, and the overall tone is subdued. Is he depressed? A little bit of humor would have made me think about this one.

Score — 2/10

Decision — MAYBE. Yes, maybe, because I might message him to see where he’s at. I’m drawn to his message. I don’t know if I feel like that because I have this need to help heal his broken heart, or not though. I should avoid the emotional draw I feel, because I’d probably give him a sympathy BJ or fuck, and he might get the wrong idea from that.

And he has nothing to lose if he did.

Message Nine

Suzie is part of my handle. I was supposed to black them out. Welcome to the Great White North friend. (Screen-cap: Author)

Hmm, is what I first thought here — never been with a Canadian girl? I looked at his profile, and the city it listed him being from was in South America. I shared my picture with him the last time I pressed “accept all picture requests.” Again, flattery will get you everywhere, even if it wasn’t me in the sexy pic. A Latin lover? That does sound interesting.

  • 3 pts — Read my profile. If he looked at my picture, he looked at my profile.
  • 3 pts — Conformed to parameters set out in profile. So far, so good.
  • 2 pts — Grammar and message quality. Grammar could use work (numbers ten and under are written out), but it’s his second language, so I’ll cut him some slack because the message quality is not bad.
  • 1 pts — Humor. If he’s on AM, I’m pretty sure I’m not his first Canadian girl, so that’s funny, but I’m sure he didn’t intend that.

Score — 9/10

Decision — MAYBE. More chatting for sure, to see if a coffee date would work. A hot-blooded lover might be fun, but I’d need to know he didn’t have all those other stereotypical behaviors, like raging jealousy if he found out he wasn’t the only horse in the stable.

The first few words are important

This is how unopened messages appear. A handful of words and then an ellipsis. A question is a good way to start if you want to draw her in. (Screen-cap: Author)

Finally, remember she will only see so much of your message as she scrolls through her messages, so make sure the good stuff is up front. This is whether it’s a priority or not. This non-priority message is a good example of that because it asks a questions about my profile, that begs a response. Did it work? No, but it was better than — “hey hey would luv to chat”


Messages are a mixed bag, and you don’t know what the reader will get from them, so think about that when you are preparing them. There’s a small financial risk in sending out a priority message, but then you do get a prime piece of real-estate in my in-box. What you do with that real-estate is up to you, but I suggest your message be:

  • A genuine, short, well written message of two or three lines.
  • Grammatically correct with proper punctuation.
  • An indication you read and understood my profile.
  • And include bit of self-deprecating humor.
  • Messages are truncated, so don’t waste the first six or seven words.

What I don’t suggest is:

  • A one liner salutation with or without errors.
  • Casual text-style writing.
  • Poor spelling and punctuation because while it might work, it’s risky.
  • Obvious cut and paste.
  • Ignoring her profile and preferences completely.

Watch here as I attempt to help a man get laid using words —Analyzing Charles’ Ashley Madison Profile
Some men don’t realize how important their adulterous profile ismedium.com

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© Teresa J. Conway, 2021

By Teresa J Conway on .

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Exported from Medium on April 8, 2021.

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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