On the Affairs of the Prince and Princess of Wales

And why one affair was tolerated and the other was not

(Photo: Getty Images)

Who doesn’t love a dirty scandal between our betters? I know I do, which is why I watched The Crown with eyes glued to the screen as an unabashed anglophile.

We all know by now that they focused this season on both Diana and Charles’s affairs and the bitter disputes that followed. But was any of it true?

I am going to say…yes. I suspect most of their relationship that we saw in The Crown was an accurate representation.

You don’t spend $130 million on a season and fail to have your historians and agents spread some of that around to source exclusive gossip. Of course, the minor scenes are fiction, but they’d be easily extrapolated from the record and other little bits they’d dug up.

The other reason I believe it’s mostly true is because of the adulterous tradition of English kings. Prince Charles had a 1000 years of history of cheating behind him. There was a name for the women who caught the king’s eye:

Royal Mistress

I once met Charles very briefly, and I have to say I wouldn’t fuck him with a rented pussy, but only because I prefer a man. Camilla was there too. And of course, she adores him, so while their love is real, it seems less a case of opposites attracting and more like two boots making a pair.

Charles wouldn’t be the first King to have married a lover, or even the first to divorce. This leads to my theory about how Charles freely cheated:

mummy and the rest of the family weren’t much offended by it.

That doesn’t mean Liz liked it, but of course, Charles would not lose his position over it, would he? No.

So what of these royals from days gone by?

The most prolific cheater was Henry I (1100–1135), who, through many lovers, had twenty-four or more illegitimate children. He is likely why so many of us can claim royal blood today.

Edward II (1284–1327) seems to have had a boyfriend, Piers Gaveston, besides a wife.

Edward III (1312–1377) had a mistress, but later in life, when his wife became ill, or around that time, I can understand this one.

Richard II (1367–1400) also appears to have had a boyfriend in the Earl of Oxford, Robert de Vere, and a wife.

Edward IV (1442–1470) was a lady’s man who had several illegitimate children, one of whom was almost King Edward V, but as a bastard was booted in favor of his uncle, Richard III.

Richard III (1452–1485) sired two offspring as a teenager, with women lost to time, which probably means they were chambermaids or servants.

Henry VIII (1491–1547) has a wiki page dedicated to his royal mistresses, so he was a playa. It is interesting to know that two of his illegitimate kids were boys. One was called Henry Fitzroy, and Anne Boleyn’s sister Mary apparently had a boy and girl.

James I (1566–1625) was likely a bisexual who had several favorites, including Robert Carr, George Villiers, Esme Stewart, and Anne Murray, in addition to his wife.

And it goes on —

Charles I, Charles II, James II, William III, George I, George II, George III, George IV, William IV, Edward VII, and Edward VIII all had royal mistresses. However, some were less flagrant than others. Though in Edward VIII’s case, Walis Simpson was married, and he was not.

Starting to get the idea?

So what of the Queens and their royal boy toys?

Were there any royal boy toys? It would shock absolutely no one to learn that none of the English Queens were rumored to have taken a lover. And by queens, I’m talking of the women holding power in their own right and not as consorts to their kings.

Elizabeth I never married but had close male friends, Mary II may have been a lesbian with a few close friends, and Victoria grieved for beloved Albert the rest of her life. I also doubt Elizabeth II even thought about it, just like her dad, George VI, who didn’t have a royal mistress.

So, where did that leave Diana?

When you consider Charles and nineteen of his antecedents had royal mistresses in their lives, and the three female monarchs had none, it’s easy to see where the chips fall. As a woman and future Queen Consort to Charles, she was expected to keep her legs and mouth shut and put up with his shit, as wives of kings had done for a thousand years and more.

Proper ladies didn’t do that.

But of course, Diana was having none of that, and why should she? Once it became clear Bonny Prince Charlie was not coming back to the marital bed in any significant way, she found others more than willing to take his place.

I’d also expect they’d be a little more adept at filling a young woman’s needs than hub was.

I’m sure that if Charles had respected Diana and lived with her as his wife, there wouldn’t have been an issue. To bring a young woman in, marry her, and then go off again was patently unfair, and speaks to Charles’ character as a man.

One would think as the first-in-line to the throne, he could have found his nuts and told his mother who he wanted to marry and have done with it.

What would she do? Fire him? She couldn’t, as the line of succession is governed by statute and not the crown. But could he do that? No.

Instead, like an obedient little doggie, he did what he was told, then passively-aggressively pisses on the carpet. It’s no wonder his father can’t stand him. And why I’d drop my knickers for Prince Phillip.

I do love a man who knows what he wants, and I’m sure Diana did too.

Are you thinking about stepping out? Check out the Adultery Academy and follow our 13 guided lessons that walk you through the birth, life, and death of an affair —Welcome to the Adultery Academy!
If you’re thinking about cheating, you’ve come to the right place.medium.com

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© Teresa J. Conway, 2021

By Teresa J Conway on .

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Exported from Medium on April 8, 2021.

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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