The COVID Cheater’s Lies That Are Getting Old

Don’t wear out your pandemic lies, it’s not over yet

Photo by Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash

The problem with the best lies is that they don’t age well with use, so you have to dole them out sparingly at the best of times. At the worst of times, your opportunities to fit cheating into your regular life patterns diminish, and if you still want to get laid, get creative.

And for cheaters, this is the worst of times. What if you’re at home with your spouse? With everyone looking over your shoulder, you’ll have difficulty arranging dates, let alone getting out the door. So what’s in your go-to rota of pandemic lies to do that?

Going to the grocery story

When stores line-ups were the longest, you could say you were out to the shops and book off with your lover for a few hours. This worked well when they asked that only one family member shop, but how did you explain coming home with nothing? And how many times could you do that?

Getting a covid test

An easier one to explain earlier on that also results in no evidence was going for a covid test. The expectation was you’d wait in line for hours, so that was an easy out. You wouldn’t know your result for days, and because of that, you wouldn’t have proof of your test immediately in hand. Pretending to check your results online is simple enough, but I’m sure you’d only get away with this one twice in six months.

When some testing sites switched to appointment windows, this became more complex because it would reduce the timeframe to an hour. This still gives you an hour to play with and could combine it with something else, but what? Whatever it is, it will have to suit your coming home empty-handed.

Heading into the office

When you worked out of the office, you could easily head out for drinks afterward and use that as a cover, but that one’s gone. One you could use if your lover was available during the day is “heading into the office,” once or twice a week. A drawback here is that if they expected you to produce something daily, you’d need to do that.

Online lovers & phone use

I’m not sure if they are, but they are connecting online before they can do that. Increased phone use is a challenge here that your spouse may notice, so you must amp up your non-cheating phone use. It’s simple enough if you play games or join Facebook groups and comment a lot, but it is challenging to go from a little to constant phone use. An easy out is to blame covid boredom for the increased benefit.Being Glued To Your Phone Is A Clue You’re Cheating
So get them used to it


From personal experience, weaving this together has been very hard on my lover and me. He’s able to often cut away in the evenings, but not the days. I’ve got less flexibility because I’m never alone and have few reasons to go out. This means finding my windows and taking the opportunities when I can. Fortunately for us, his flexibility suits this method. While I could meet during the day, my lover cannot, so that window’s shut for us.

We’re weathering the storm based on our long-term commitment to each other, but others are likely having a harder time. I know people are thinking about cheating, if my book sales tell me anything, but are they physically meeting?

The bottom line

You can only use those lies so often before they get old, so it’s best to have a couple of options in your rotation, so you don’t wear them out. Everything you do needs a cover story built on lies, whether you ultimately use them or not. This is incidentally the best scenario — having a lie prepared, but not using it lets you keep it for a rainy day.

The one time my lover and I worked from home together for an hour —He Stopped In for a Quick Lunch Time Fuck
Just another Friday afternoon at the home

Join my email list — HERE and get a free pdf copy of my ebook —How to Cheat — Field Notes from an Adulteress
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2020

By Teresa J Conway on .

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Exported from Medium on April 8, 2021.

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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