Because you’ll only ever be as good as your last lie
Master the Art of Adulterous Lying
You are going to have to lie and lie often during your affair. Your lie will have to be reasonable, fit the situation, and have enough depth to survive a few questions. You will have to deliver the lie under the radar, in a believable way that lets you move right on through to the next subject.
If you aren’t good at this, you’ll have a problem. But don’t worry, practice and a few tips can make you a better liar. Why practice? You will need a believable cover story for every date. You will need enough detail to make it sound reasonable, but never so much to make it seem fishy.
1. Establish an Effective Lie
Keep your lie simple. The more detail you add, the more difficult it will be to keep track of. Too many details will look like you are trying to convince the person instead of explaining it. Saying you are late getting home because of traffic is far less complicated than saying:
“An accident between a car and truck at road X caused you to be detoured around on side roads Y and Z, adding 45 minutes to the trip.”
Providing fewer details also implies you don’t have more information to add because you don’t know what was going on.
Less is more.
2. Don’t Include Other People in Your Lie
The more people you add to your story, the more difficult it will be to control. If you add a person, let them know as soon as possible, so they don’t blow your cover. If you are planning to lie like this, consider using a wingman. Let them know in advance so they can add to the deception if necessary. What’s more believable than two people telling the same story?
3. Use A Wingman
As you’ve probably guessed, the wingman is a trusted agent in your life who knows what you are up to and helps you.
Say you are spending the weekend with your affair partner. And to cover, you’ve told hubby you have a girls’ weekend. Your wingman should be the one to pick you up and drop you off.
Why? Their presence adds texture and depth to your deception. Your wingman can also help you through a broken heart or avoid risky situations. Your life will be much more comfortable with a wingman but pick them wiselybecause they will know enough to destroy you.
4. Make Your Lie Plausible
Only include information people will reasonably believe. Don’t stretch it out to where the listener starts to question your story. Be critical of your lie and ask yourself if you think the other person would honestly believe it.
People are more likely to believe you were delayed because the line at the store was long. Not that the place was robbed.
This is an extreme example, but the most believable lies are the most plausible ones.
5. Base Your Lie on Truth
Lies founded on truths are easier to remember. Going to a friend’s house for drinks is good. If you plan to take a cab home, you can meet someone between leaving your friend’s house and heading home.
Your spouse knows you had some drinks, stayed out late, and took a cab. You don’t need to focus on when you got home.
If you would typically stay with your friend until the late hours.
And were too drunk to notice the time you got home. In this scenario, you leave out the booty call with your affair partner.
6. Introduce the Lie First
If you put a bit of the lie out first, people are more likely to believe you. If you wait for them to ask all the questions, they may become suspicious of your answers. This includes revealing parts of your cover story days in advance in the lead up to your date. So, if you get home later than planned, they roughly know what you did, so you may not ask what time you got home. If they do, you could say,
“I don’t know, but it was pretty late. Do you know when?”
Answering a question, lets your listener know you don’t know the details. It allows you to indirectly introduce the amount you drank as the reason you don’t know.
A question like this introduces a certain level of honest curiosity. If they tell you what time it was because they know, you can say
“No way! I can’t believe it was so late! I must have been more drunk than I thought!”
This tactic lets you focus on the drinking and the good times rather than how late you were.
Of course, your friend will know when you left their place. That could be an issue, but stopping off for a drink on the way home is a reasonable excuse.
If this was something, you’d do.
If not, build it into your routine, introducing it as part of your routine.
7. Practice Your Lie Out Loud
Rehearse your cover story in the car. ‘Self-talk’ will help you sound natural. It will also help develop your narrative before getting home.
Work through some simple dialogue and get used to saying it.
‘I didn’t end up going to the gym. Sally wasn’t feeling well, so we grabbed a quick drink and then I picked up a few things at the store.’
‘We ended up going to restaurant X instead, and I had the Y I like.’
“Last-minute” changes to plans are an incredibly useful tactic. It gives you a reason not to be where you said you would be. If, for some reason, your spouse went looking for you.
Thinking about your lie, what you will say and then practice it to make feel and sound seamless.
You say it out loud, if you haven’t guessed, because your brain may give your story the thumbs-up if you only think it. The minor details like how the sentences fit together and flow will work themselves out when you say it. You won’t sound goofy or awkward, trying to spit out the words.
When you speak, your ear will help you smooth it out.
8. Use Casual Language
When people try to figure out a lie on the fly, they will sometimes use more formal language.
“does not” instead of “doesn’t’”
“Charles Banks” instead of ‘Chuck from work.’
Use first names or casual references. It’s hard to do this on the fly, so practice saying the things you will say.
9. Control Your Body
This will be hard! Keep still. Keep your hands away from your face. Don’t cross your arms but leave them open to the sides or clasp your hands together and rest them in your lap.
Face the person you are lying to. Don’t fiddle or fidget. Pick up something a bit heavier and hold it to stop this.
Liars tend to blink more, so be aware of too much or too little blinking — keep your sunglasses on if appropriate.
Maintain regular eye contact, don’t stare, but don’t avoid looking at them either.
If appropriate in your relationship, make physical contact with their hand or shoulder. Do it while you are lying to create a higher level of comfort between you.
Touch is a powerful tool.
10. Keep Your Voice Normal
Speak in a lower than normal tone to adjust for the potential pitch increase. Watch your tone and strike the right approach — don’t sound sad if you are supposed to be happy.
You can practice this too. Thinking of the story is one thing, but saying it out loud helps your voice adjust to the right tone, pitch and speed. Would you really be laughing coming back from a funeral? Maybe, but your spouse better know why too.
11. Give Straight Answers
Don’t ramble, repeat yourself, or pause a lot because you’ll give the appearance of lying. Too long or too short answers may raise suspicion.
12. Stick to Your Story
Repeating the same questions over many times but changing it a little each time is one way to catch a liar.
Stick to your story, and don’t embellish. If you have to, add a single piece of new information to give your lie depth or colour.
You should be able to answer one or two obvious follow-up questions, like
“Where did you eat?”
“What did you have?”
“How was the traffic?”
“What did they have?”
“I saw that it rained there. Was it bad?”
“How long did it take to get there?”
Answering two of these questions well will let you avoid problems.
That will give you time to change the subject.
13. Answer a Question with a Question
If things start getting uncomfortable, you can ask them why the questions?
“How would I know that?”
“Why would I know that?”
“Why do you give a shit?”
Ask if they’ve gotten a different story from someone else.
Making them answer a few questions might get you more information. Insistent people think they know the answer. And they might, and are asking to catch you in a trap.
Doing this may also distract them.
Be warned — defensiveness will draw more attention to your lie because it will look like you are hiding something. Which you are, right? Right.
14. When you’re caught
Find out what they know. Don’t over tell your story or spill every bean in the jar.
You might be able to lie your way out of it if it isn’t too bad. DO NOT disclose the full depth and breadth of your cheating.
Total honesty will not help your case if you’ve been cheating a lot or for a long time. Some honesty, while minimizing the affair might lead to forgiveness faster.
“It was a slip.”
“I don’t know what I was thinking. It was one indiscretion!”
“It was a lapse in judgement. It only happened once…”
Don’t think your spouse won’t want to minimize it too. They may have already been suppressing the things they have seen to avoid the truth. People are weird; use that.
The psychology of lying
The take away is never be caught off guard. If you have a chance to practice, practice. Do your research and have enough answers ready to convince them you were where you said you’d be, but not try hard enough to make them doubt you.
Spend time researching lying and how to do it best. You can never be too good and good lie will be your first line of defense.
Because you’ll only ever be as good as your last lie.
So be prepared for the next one you’ll tell.
And this story will show you why you have to be good, because you won’t always be lucky —A Cover Story Can Hide Cheating In Plain Sight
Adulterous Dating Advicemedium.com
© Teresa J. Conway, 2020
By Teresa J Conway on .
Exported from Medium on March 25, 2021.