To Catch a Cheater

You have to beat the adulterer at their own game

Photo by Rich Smith on Unsplash

The wrong hair, in the wrong place, at the wrong time, can destroy a marriage.

And so can a myriad of less obvious clues if you know what you’re looking for.

If I were looking for an adulterer, I would learn what they do, how they do it, and then look for signs of them doing it. I would want to know more about cheating than the cheater to spot the mistakes they didn’t know they were making. I’d study their tells and match them to their behaviors.

Cheating would fascinate me until I caught them.

It sounds like more than it is, though. Think about it this way:

A deer doesn’t know it could get shot going down the same path every day, so if there’s no reason not to follow the easiest trail, the deer will. All the hunter has to do is find the trail and wait.

And if you’re hunting a cheater, that’s all you’ll have to do. Figure out the patterns and wait.

Knowing cheaters do is essential to this. And that’s what I was thinking when I answered this Quora question the way I did:

Q. What are the red flags that a person is a cheat?

A. They have changed things in their lives, fitness, work hours, clothing/fashion/style, drinking different alcohols they haven’t drunk before. There’s a long list. Men may sometimes increase their sexual tempo at home to match their increased desire for sex brought on by the other partner. Women tend to do the opposite and freeze the s/o out.

This link will bring you to more info —

Although it’s written for cheaters in mind, the reality is, if you see any of this, you might be on to something.

I study and write about adultery extensively. I talk about what a cheater should and shouldn’t do. I advise on the best way to lie, gaslight, cover your tracks, and any other dirty thing you can think of. I teach people to analyze their risks and how to factor that into hiding their affair.

You could say I sell deceit, but I would rather say I sell knowledge.

Whatever someone does with that knowledge is their business, and that’s why I gave the Quora answer I did. I have no obligation to keep adulterer’s secrets.

I owe them nothing.

Besides looking out for myself, my affair partner, and my writing partner in crime MonalisaSmiled, I don’t care what happens to any other cheater.

That might sound a little cold, but I’m a dirty girl up to my neck in a dirty business, so if you expected more loyalty, you’re a fool.

So, when someone called Betrayed Spouse followed me the other day, I became curious. On seeing their handle, my first thought was, this should be fun, in that not-fun way. My second was, maybe they’re here to learn something.

I have no idea who Betrayed Spouse is, and I expect that was the plan. That they followed me of all people is hardly surprising considering their handle, and for what it’s worth, I recommend following Monalisa and our Publication — The Scarlett Letter too. Monalisa’s a far better writer than I am.

Betrayed Spouse’s follow got me thinking about the double-edged nature of my writing. I thought about how my work could help people on both sides of the adultery equation to evade or catch a spouse.

But why would Betrayed Spouse follow me? Was it to lambaste me? No idea, but if I thought my spouse was cheating, I would follow me. I’d learn from me and use my knowledge to catch the dirty bastard. So maybe that’s it.

On the other hand, if I were an experienced cheater trying to keep my head down, I would probably hate me. I’d hate me too because I’m giving the playbook away as I’m teaching it!

I’m spilling the ‘secret sauce’ one Redditor accused me of trying to steal when I was researching my book.

Guilty, your honor.

So welcome Betrayed Spouse, and thank you for your follow. I’m pretty much open to any respectful discourse, and I don’t expect you to ever agree with or like me. You’ll probably find that I will agree with you more often than not in the comments. I will always try to thank you for your comments by clapping, highlighting, or replying to them. And I will always defend you from anyone trying to inappropriately respond to any polite comment you make, no matter how much you disagree with me, should it come to that.

If you have something you’d like to ask privately, email me at You’re welcome as long as you come with a clear intent, obvious point, and genuine interest in a discussion.

I’m not an evangelist, so I’ll never try to convince you cheating is anything other than what you think it is.

Thank you for following and I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours in lust,


PS — If I wanted to learn about cheating, I would start here:Welcome to the Adultery Academy!
If you’re thinking about cheating, you’ve come to the right

© Teresa J. Conway, 2020

By Teresa J Conway on .

Canonical link

Exported from Medium on March 25, 2021.

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

Leave a Reply

Site Footer

%d bloggers like this: