Introduce Adulterous Lifestyle Changes Slowly

Slow your roll or you’ll draw too much attention

Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash

Your life will change when you begin actively looking for an affair partner. You’ll be glued to your phone as you’ve never been before. You’ll tweak your profile, check your messages, and browse people.

You’ll want to improve your grooming habits to get your pictures looking sexy. You’ll be thrilled at the idea of an affair and show it in how you carry yourself.

Men will show off the changes more than women because they are boastful and love peacocking.

Women won’t. They’ll know how to hide it. Women have trained since birth to hide sexually. They avoid drawing sexual attention to themselves because of the harm it brings. And although that is a shitty way to live in most circumstances, it is an asset to the adulteress.

This section is technically for everyone, but maybe a little more important for men.

Being fit, clean, and stylish feels good, but it doesn’t happen overnight. When you were young, this was easy, but now it might take some work. Your potential affair partner doesn’t want a slob. She wants a hot sexy man who’s going to make her feel alive again.

Fashion and Style

Getting there and why needs explaining. If you dress better when you go out with your friends than with your spouse, she’ll notice. If you look sexier on girls’ night than on date night, he might notice (‘might’ is the best you can hope for).

Women have an advantage because they generally like to put the effort in, and her man might not notice a tweak. But Men?

She will see any change immediately, no matter how small. This means you’ll have to phase them in slowly and explain your reasons if asked.

The best way to do this is to say you’ve done it for her. Better yet, let her help you because she sees you as a work in progress anyway. Let her think it was her idea to disarm her.

My only word of caution is to make sure she benefits from it by taking her out too.

Ladies, it may be difficult or impossible to get your man to help you change. Let him know you’re doing it for him subtly, which will likely be enough to throw him off the scent.

Don’t take this too far because you’re not going from slob to god. You’re going from slob to presentable at first. Then presentable to more presentable. If you go to god,

I’m talking about little changes to your routine patterns. This could be going from chinos to dress pants. Golf shirts to dress shirts. A new hairstyle.

Shorter skirts or wearing more casual summer dresses, you can haul it up in the back seat of his car. Some cosmetic dentistry or whitening; the list goes on.


Likewise, starting a workout or adding a gym session may hit well below the radar.

Fitness and weight loss for a New Year’s resolution or your doctor’s advice are good places to start. When you do start working out, try not to make it look like a midlife crisis.

People experiencing a midlife crisis often looking for stranger sex to validate themselves. And that’s probably what you’re doing, but if you want to stay happily married, try not to be a cliche.

OPSEC and Changes

From an OPSEC perspective, small changes don’t reveal anything on their own. They look like you’re trying to ‘take care of yourself.’ When you add small changes together, they do.

If you give clues you’re cheating away, these sorts of changes won’t reduce suspicion. Adding an odd hair in the car on top of all these changes will make them appear differently in hindsight.

Ask yourself what this looks like –

  • In the last two months, you’ve added an extra workout to your weekly gym schedule
  • started working longer hours — this is a killer especially if she asks a coworker
  • started going for drinks with friends every other Thursday
  • adopted a new clothing or fashion style
  • got a different haircut or style

It looks like you’re cheating or having a midlife crisis, and either way, your spouse will start paying more attention to you.

And as a cheater, that’s the last thing you want.

This is how you adapt your phone use to cheating —Being Glued To Your Phone Is A Clue You’re Cheating
So get them used to it

Here’s a link back to the lingo cheaters use —How to Cheat: 54 Acronyms and Jargon Every Cheater Should Know
“Hotwife looking for a dom Bull, BBC preferred, for ONS/FWB NSA fun times. Can host. No MM, please, not looking for…

© Teresa J. Conway, 2020

By Teresa J Conway on .

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Exported from Medium on March 25, 2021.

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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