Women would rule the world
Laying with my lover, Magic Wand© in hand, I treated myself to the rare luxury of punishing my WAP at full power. It was glorious.
Orgasms rolled over me like ocean waves as I basked in the warmth of his embrace. He encouraged me to use my toy and keep going after he’d finished inside me.
Long since satisfied, he beheld me as pleasure rocked my body again and again.
Once started, I can go forever. And by forever, I mean until my labia are swollen to the size of Kim Kardashian’s lips, so about forty minutes.
Laying there, my lover mused that if men could have multiple orgasms all they’d ever do is masturbate and women would rule the world.
I contemplated his words as my wand beat my rapidly swelling lips.
They were profound.
“Noah! Leave yourself alone and get up on deck! The rain’s coming down hard now! Sarah, grab the unicorns. I told him to round them up last week, but he hasn’t done a goddamn thing in four days.”
- Naamah, Noah’s wife.
“Has anyone seen Moses? He said he’d lead us through the desert at nine. I’m done waiting. Let’s just follow the coast for a bit and see where that gets us.”
- Zipporah, Moses’ wife.
“Alexander, if you don’t get your ass out here right now, we aren’t going to India. Five minutes? Nope. Too late. We’re staying in Persia.”
- Roxana, Alexander the Great’s wife, who murdered his other two wives just after he died.
“Is Genghis still in the yurt? This is ridiculous. Hey? Hey! Open the gates! We’ll make a little noise, I’ll tell him we won, and then we’ll get out of your hair, ok?”
- Börte, Genghis Khan’s first wife.
“Arthur obviously isn’t interested in having this sword in his hands. Throw it back in the lake and I’ll have the queens over. We’ll figure this united kingdom thing out over wine.”
- Guinevere, King Arthur’s Queen.
“Ragnar, the lands to the west aren’t going to come looking for you. Like, whatever. If the Earl asks, I’m going to tell him you were drunk.”
- Lagertha, Shield Maiden and Ragnar Lothbrok’s first wife.
“Robin, the Sheriff of Nottingham just took our last cow, don’t you think you’ve been in that tree long enough? I’m not seeing much of that ‘rob from the rich’ shit going on around here.”
- Maid Marian, Robin Hood’s chick.
“So no one has seen Chris? Great. I don’t know about you, but that skirt didn’t come from any China I know. And did you hear what she said? She didn’t even know we were coming over. I am so embarrassed right now. I can’t even. Just take me back to Spain. I want to forget I ever came to this place.”
- Filipa Moniz Perestrelo, Christopher Columbus’ wife.
“Paul, if you don’t put your cock down right now, they’ll catch you! Forget it. You know what? I’ll ride back to Lexington, and I’ll tell them the British are coming myself.”
- Sybil Ludington, who rode the same night, but unlike Paul Revere, didn’t get caught by the British
“Whites of their what? I so don’t have time for this. Leave George in the tent if he won’t come out. Take me to the Hessians. I’ll invite them over for Christmas dinner, and when they’re turkey drunk, we’ll pack their shit and send them back to Germany.”
- Martha Washington, wife of George Washington.
“So that’s all he’s got? Dig a ditch from Belgium to Switzerland, sit in it, and shoot at each other until someone wins? They’ll all get the clap from French hookers. What was he thinking? We aren’t doing that. Bring them home. They’ll be back before the Kaiser comes out of his bedroom.”
- Auguste Viktoria Friederike Luise Feodora Jenny, Queen Consort to Kaiser Wilhelm. The imp who started World War I.
“Why does Adolf want to go to Poland? It’s so flat and boring there. Here, take my hand lotion to his bunker. He’ll forget about this stupid plan in a few days.”
- Traudl Junge, Adolf Hitler’s secretary.
“Am I the only one who wants to get to the Moon here? Put these numbers into the machine. It’ll be 2069 before these fools are done in the washroom.”
- Katherine Johnson, mathematician and NASA calculator.
So why don’t women hide out orgasming for days like fiends? Unlike men, we have actual shit to do.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2020
By Teresa J Conway on .
Exported from Medium on March 25, 2021.