The advice Dear Abby would never give
A selection of questions and answers from my first five days on Quora. Do you have a question? Let me know!
Q1. Do most married people have at least one affair?
The stats I just checked said 21% for men and 13% for women, but I expect the women’s number will grow as women flex their muscles more. My guess is it will be 20% for both in the next 20 years.
Q2. Which websites do people use to cheat on their partners?
I used Ashely Madison. Free for women. Adult Friend Finder is ok too. There are others, but those are my go-to sites. They are best accessed through Duck-Duck-Go, so you don’t leave a browser history. Make sure you make a throwaway email account you set up first. When you do anything online, you need to focus on not leaving electronic footprints that come back to you.
Q3. Is it still cheating if you are only thinking about having an affair?
No. But if you are thinking of having an affair, do some research to avoid the many pitfalls you will encounter if you want to keep your primary relationship. The easiest part about cheating is having sex. Meeting the right person, avoiding the wrong ones, and arranging your date is the hard part, and they are all areas where you could easily get caught.
Q4. My boyfriend that is going through a divorce, cheated on me with his wife. What should I do?
Get over it.
Q5. How easy is it for a cheater to discard their mistress?
For some, I imagine it’s pretty easy and for others, probably hard. Some men just like the thrill of the illicit sex, so may tire of one woman and go looking for another. This type is charming but uses the charm to lead you on until they become bored. On the other hand, if they fall in love with their mistress, it can be quite hard for them to give them up. This sort is more caring, and likely won’t ’discard’ you.
Q6. How do people who live in a small town have an affair?
Carefully. I gave up trying. Imagine walking up the grocery store aisle toward the man and wife in the open relationship you first met online, as your partner pushes the cart beside you. It was too hard.
Q7. What would you think if your boyfriend took off and came back two hours later at 5 a.m. sweaty and pants not zipped, accusing you of cheating? Am I wrong for thinking he cheated, especially when I was sleeping and never went anywhere?
I’d think he had a side piece.
Q8. How do people in the navy, army, etc., cheat?
Everyone cheats. Cheating is about opportunity, though, so being in a job that lets you travel increases the chances of cheating because there will be more opportunity to do it and not get caught.
Q9. Do you enjoy cheating on your husband because you believe he deserves it?
No, I don’t enjoy it because I don’t think he deserves it. He doesn’t deserve it. People cheat for many reasons, and passive-aggressive revenge is only one of them.
Q10. I highly suspect my wife being pregnant with another man, we already have one child. Should I confront her, or should I wait the 9 months and get a DNA test in secret?
Wait and see what the baby looks like, then do the DNA test if you’re still concerned. There would be no coming back from that confrontation if you do it now and turn out to be wrong.
Q11. What should you do if you catch your wife cheating on you and she tells you she wants a divorce?
What should you do? You should probably ask if there’s anything you could do to save the relationship if that’s what you want. You obviously aren’t blind to the fact you played a role in her reasons for divorce, so evaluate those. The divorce and the infidelity are two separate things tho. If you can forgive the infidelity, you can work on the marriage — maybe. If you can’t, then you’ll likely divorce.
The first question you should ask yourself is — what was my role in this marriage breakdown?
Q12. Do you regret cheating on your partner?
Sometimes.
Q13. Have you ever been so sure your significant other was cheating that you took out an insurance policy in the form of cheating yourself?
That wouldn’t be an insurance policy so much as it would be revenge sex. The obvious problem here is if your spouse isn’t cheating and you do, you’ll look like a bit of a fool. If you’re worried about them cheating, look into it first.
Q14. Why do people have affairs even when their partner is terrific?
My first thought is, who thinks their partner is terrific? They might seem that way, but who really knows? Let’s say they are terrific, though.
Why cheat? They could be a narcissist who needs the validation illicit sex provides. They could be a risk-taker who likes the challenge of the hunt. They may be sexually unfulfilled and looking for completion. Some women cheat to have one thing in their lives to themselves, like a hobby of sorts.
There are many reasons to cheat, and the partner may only play a small part in their decision, no matter how terrific they are.
Q15. How do you cheat on your girlfriend and not get caught?
Read my book — How to Cheat: Field Notes From an Adulteress
Or, if you can’t do that, start by not doing any this –
- Have an affair with someone you both know. Keep them outside if your family, with, and life circles. That way, no one you know will see you together on a regular basis — if you don’t do this, you will both give off clues about what you’re doing, and people will talk.
- Don’t tell anyone — especially your guy friends. They will talk, and your secret will get out.
- Don’t change any of your habits too quickly. This includes style, fashion, grooming, work schedule (to accommodate cheating), or the level of affection you show your GF. She will notice any quick changes and wonder why.
- Always have a cover story, but don’t use it if you don’t have to. When lying, know what you would say, but don’t say it if she doesn’t ask. The more unsolicited information you give will make your story look like a lie. Keep the details light and the story short.
There are many more, but this is a start. Good luck!
Interested in cheating? Start here:How to Cheat — 25 Ground Rules to Think About Before Jumping into Bed with an Affair Partner
If you want to keep your primary relationship.medium.com
And before you get too excited, read about the less obvious downsides:The Misery of Adulterous Love
The love that dare not speak its namemedium.com
Still here? Check out my paperback or ebook for Kindle and available on Kindle Unlimited:How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress
How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress – Kindle edition by Conway, TJ. Download it once and read it on your…www.amazon.com
Teresa J. Conway © 2020
By Teresa J Conway on .
Exported from Medium on March 4, 2021.
