Adulterous Dating Advice
On her second date with a new affair partner, Jane agreed to meet him halfway. They lived 90 minutes apart. Jane’s wingman, a close friend, was covering for Jane, as she often did.
To manage dating, Jane had worked a five-hour block into her weekly schedule to meet with her wingman — her family situation justified it. Mr. Wingman and Jane’s hub weren’t close, so there was little risk of him tagging along.
When Jane arrived at the meeting place, she received a call from her son, asking for his bank card. It was in Jane’s wallet. She asked him to wait, but he wanted it. He was only a 20-minute walk from her wingman’s house, so he asked if he could come by. Thinking on her feet, Jane said they were out, leaving him no choice but to wait.
Jane met her affair partner, and joined him for the drive to his house. His neighbour was doing yard work when they arrived. To avoid being seen, Jane lay back in her seat until the neighbour went inside several minutes later.
After the date, they returned to Jane’s car. En route Mrs. Affair Partner called. Answering in handsfree mode, Jane sat still as the couple spoke. Sitting there, Jane realized her phone wasn’t on quiet mode, but was afraid to reach for it — unexplained noises could give them away.
Luckily her phone didn’t go off. This was good for her affair partner because he probably couldn’t explain a second phone (or person) in his car.
Jane turned her phone volume off and dropped it back in her purse. A minute or two later she heard noise coming from her bag. It was her phone. Picking it up she noticed she’d somehow dialled her home number.
Her hub was on the line, yelling hello into the phone. On answering , hub asked her, ‘why can I hear a man’s voice?’ Then, ‘why are you talking about the garage?’ Jane told him she was showing Mr. Wingman their new car and telling him how difficult it was to park.
After the call, her affair partner told her she was a good liar. He was a lawyer, so she took it as a compliment.
The next day Jane’s hub asked where she’d gone; he’d noticed the gas gage was lower than he expected. She’d been driving around enjoying the car, she lied, and hadn’t noticed the gas they’d used. That was the last question he asked about the date.
Jane and her affair partner were experienced cheaters, but relied on luck and quick wit to get by. Luck isn’t enough though. They didn’t plan or take the precautions needed to keep their date secret.
Imagine if Jane’s son had shown up at her wingman’s house unannounced, seen the wingman but not mom? A plausible cover story could have prevent this outcome. Jane’s son has a mild disability that makes it difficult for him to change his mind once set.
What would her affair partner say to his neighbour if he spotted Jane hiding? It was mid-week, and they were at his weekend home. This wasn’t Jane’s problem, but what would he say? If the neighbour knew Jane though, it would be her problem too.
Jane’s affair partner had cheated in a previous marriage so his new wife was suspicious. He had to take her call or questions would be asked. What if Jane’s phone had sounded during the call?
Jane’s son often texted 20 to 30 times an evening when she was out; an other trait of his disability. She knew that. Both should have also considered Jane’s phone as a liability — before getting into his car.
How would Jane have explained Mr. Wingman being in the car if it wasn’t new? How would she have explained the gas? She knew she was driving 45 minutes to meet her affair partner, so if the car wasn’t new, what would she have said?
This was a date between two experienced cheaters. They both knew their weaknesses but hadn’t planned around them.
When you cheat, you need to think ahead — for both of you. Cover the easy things so you can better deal with the unexpected.
This is what your cover story is for. To be effective, it has to match what you’re really doing so you can answer questions.
The best lies are based on the truth. If your cover story matches what your date looks like , you can hide in plain sight.
A good cover story should answer the five W’s and H — who, what, where, why, when, and how.
Who will you be with? Wingman? Wingman and friends? Office mates? Business associates?
What are you doing? Staying in? Going for drinks? The gym? Business dinner? Working late? Are you dressed for what you said you’re doing? What did you eat? Drink? What did they have? Would hub like it? Would you go again?
Where are you going? Would hub or wifey show up unannounced? Is it as far away as you will really be going? Is it in the same neighbourhood or district where you will be? Cars break down — being on the other side of town will be hard explain. If you aren’t where you said you’d be, why weren’t you? Explain the change — the restaurant lost your reservation. The store was out of your product. You bump into someone and went for coffee.
Why are you going? Have you used this excuse before? Have you used it too often? Is it something you’d likely do? If you say gym, will you smell like ‘gym’ when you get home? If you say shopping, will you have a shopping bag, receipt, or item with you when you get back?
When will you get home? If the gym closes at ten, get back at 10:20. If the mall closes at nine, get home at 9:30. If you are always later than you say, be later than you say. If you are punctual, be punctual. If you aren’t home when you said, be ready to explain it.
How will you get there? Did you drive? Did they drive? Did you meet and go from there? Be ready to explain why your car is 45 minutes away from where it was supposed to be when the ambulance picked you up or your mother-in-law sees it. Better still, be near where you said you’d be.
Having a good cover story is essential. When you float it, don’t go into too much detail or over-explain it. Give enough to avoid questions later, and be ready with a few answers. But only answer if asked — never offer anything more than the barest detail. Less is more. Over explaining is what bad liars do. The more details you give, the more information you’ll have to manage and remember.
I try to have an answer and follow-up to the most obvious questions I could be asked. If I’m not asked, I hold onto those answers for the next time. No need to waste a good story.
Do you think you could roll with it like Jane did? Don’t count on it.
And if you’re prepared, you won’t have to be quick on your feet.
By Teresa J Conway on .
Exported from Medium on March 4, 2021.