Adultery Q’s Asked and Answered

Dear Teresa: Quora’s answer to Dear Abby

DEAR TERESA: Why was I the sidechick?

DEAR SIDECHICK: Because you weren’t first in line.

DEAR TERESA: Should a husband be possessive and insecure if his wife is drop dead gorgeous?

DEAR SHE’S WITH YOU DUMMY: No. He should be proud she chose to be with him. Just because she is ‘gorgeous’ doesn’t mean she will cheat no matter how many men and women are attracted to her. She’s her own person, and if he’s insecure because of her looks, maybe he’s not the man she thought he was. All possessiveness and insecurity will do is drive her away.

DEAR TERESA: I am cheating on my husband and enjoying it, but I still love him? What do I do?

DEAR ENJOYING IT: Be careful. Don’t take too much risk and you should be fine. The problems start when you get too comfortable. When people become complacent, they start cutting corners. Cut the wrong corner and you’re done.

DEAR TERESA: Which countries have the most cheating women?

DEAR IS IT MY COUNTRY: My guess is the countries where women make the most money, so I’d say the Western countries in Europe and North America. When you don’t have to rely on a man to survive, your view of yourself and the world changes. That was my, guess, and from the interwebs:

Top Ten countries where women cheat the most:

1. Thailand
2. Denmark
3. Italy 
4. Germany
5. France
6. Norway
7. Belgium
8. Spain
9. UK
10. Finland

How long women wait after marriage to have an affair and their average age:

Ireland — 3.6 years with the average age of women cheating being 35.2 years
Sweden — 4.1 years — average age of women cheating — 37.4 years
UK — 4.4 years, average age of women cheating 34.4
Norway — 5.5 years from marriage to cheating with an average cheating age of 37.1
France — 5.7 years, average of woman cheating 36.5

And the winner is — European women in their mid-30s!

DEAR TERESA: Should I ask my partner what they consider cheating because different people have different views on this?

DEAR DANGEROUS QUESTION: No, because the second you ask they will begin to wonder if you are thinking about cheating. To me, any sexual touching beyond kissing is cheating, whether you are the giver or the receiver, and whether your clothes are on or off. I think you shouldn’t ask until there’s a reason you have to, otherwise you are entering dangerous territory for no reason.

DEAR TERESA: Would an extramarital affair be justified in a marriage where physical affection is greatly lacking?

DEAR DEPRIVED: No, it wouldn’t be justified, but don’t let that stop you. I didn’t let it stop me.

DEAR TERESA: One of my friends found out her father is cheating on her mother. What can I do to be a good supportive friend?

DEAR FRIEND: Listen to what she has to say, because it can be difficult for children to see their parents behave like this, no matter their age. You both need to consider that neither of you know the nature of her parents’ relationship. They could allow this sort of extra relationship and your friend might not know it. It could also be that her mother knows at some level but chooses to ignore it out of fear. Fear of losing a marriage or family situation are common reasons why people avoid acknowledging cheating spouses. Your friend might be stepping into a more complex situation than she thinks, so help her see that before she does anything. Finally, her parents’ relationship is ultimately their problem, not hers, so she needs to respect that and tread carefully.

Amusing Non- Adulterous Relationship Advice

DEAR TERESA: What do I do? My fiancé and I have been together for about 10 months, and we have had some trouble. How do I put a spark back in our relationship? I want to make her happy again.

DEAR SPARKY: Do you clean the toilets? If not, clean the toilets and mop the kitchen floor. She will appreciate that. Do it at a time when you can also hand her off a glass of wine and put on her favorite show. Seriously. Housework will turn her on.

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts.

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